The Redemption.

**skelooth** · 01-01-2007, 04:21 AM

Inside every man waits a monster. A monster of sabotage and self betrayal. It fights to break free, it gnaws at your will power. It grows stronger with every waking day, it's sole purpose for existence is to consume you whole. I have fought battles with this monster many times throughout my life. Like in a game of tug'o'war the battle see saws between victory and defeat for both participants.

The monster has been winning again. It seeks TO RUN MY LIFE INTO THE GROUND. It seeks to DESTROY ALL that I hold dear! It has already taken from me the fruits of the labor I worked so very hard for. It is destroying me from the inside out, as IT HAD ALWAYS INTENDED TO DO!

2007 is the year of redemption. I want my life back. I want the ability to grow as a person back. I want that opportunity to take a bite out of happiness that this monster has HELD FROM ME for so long.

Like I said, these monsters lurk within the souls of all men. The monsters take many different forms and conduct their treachery in different fashions. What is my monster you ask? My monster is that little cringe of hunger you get when you see a pizza shop. It's that nervous knotted feeling when you see a girl you like. It's the little voice that says you're not good enough. It's the insatiable hunger for gluttony and sloth.

I have a loose plan. It's very general. It's nothing ground breaking.

Today is January first. I move back to school somewhere between the eleventh and the fourteenth. During this time I will do in excess of one OR TWO thirty minute cardio sessions PER day in addition to lifting weights three to four times a week.

Allowed foods:
Sweet potatoes/yams
oatmeal
fish
chicken
vegetables
100% whole wheat bread sparingly
Cold Cuts sparingly
Walnuts
Olive Oil

Supplements: Protein powder, Maltodextrin, multivitamin

Rep ranges of 8-12
Calorie range between 2300 and 2700 per day

Once school starts, I don't care if I look like an idiot... I'm bringing my stationary bike with me. I do not like going to the school gym for cardio. It's TOO crowded and full of wanna be PUAs who'm I'd love nothing more than to punch in the face, as they check their abs in the mirror.

Wish me luck.

I'm not sure what I'll write in this log. Nothing overly technical. Maybe just some lifts, how much cardio I've been doing, and general rantings and ravings, because my tortured mind needs to express it's self.

Currently I am 230lbs, my love handles are possibley as big as they ever were before I lost weight... they literally sag over my belt line in all of their disgusting glory. None of my workout clothes fit. In fact, none of my clothes fit. My legs are monstrously huge due to a mixture of fat and muscle... and I'm generally a mess of a man, as I've been slowly crawling back to a 40" waist. (YES! 40" !!! After being so low as 34!!!!!!!!)

JB20 · 01-01-2007, 04:28 AM

its time for me to break past my 190lb frame and finally because a monster through dedication and domination

you are already a pretty good size so i think you should just continue to put on mass and do your cardio as you see fit but also allow yourself to eat what you want from time to time

there are a lot of skinny guys out there with 6 packs but not a lot of guys who are monsters

**skelooth** · 01-01-2007, 04:41 AM

I'll always be big. It's a good thing, and it's a bad thing. It's definitely in my genetic mapping to be twice the size of most people. i was able to hit 19" arms and over 27" legs in only the first few years of working out. But that same advantage is a disadvantage. I have a hard time controlling my appetite, and even when I do, I have a difficult time dropping the pounds once I get to my set point.

I've always thought that it was hard to get past my set point because I "needed more muscle", but I know now that I was wrong. I have done everything in the world to avoid massive amounts of cardio. There is no other choice. I need to put my dues in at the stationary bike. I can't kid myself any longer. This time around cardio is getting the first class treatment. I'll also be eating carbs... which is different for me.

I want that six pack for reasons so obvious yet so private that it drives me up the wall.

Edit: And yes, this is what I'm doing new years a.m. .... obsessing over my body. I just feel like it's something that needs to be done. I need a means to an end. Being truely honest, I'm absolutely miserable right now. This is the only way I know of to fix it. This is NOT a scape goat ... this is in fact the ROOT of my problems. I see that now, and am comfortable with that.

JB20 · 01-01-2007, 04:49 AM

no ****ing surrender man i know you will reach your goals

i had 27 inch thighs before the the surgery i had on my legs but now their down to 23 inches after a year of recovering i just started recently training my legs again without a doubt they are my most develop muscle or they were here's a recent upper body pic from a few months ago
http://img137.imageshack.us/my.php?image=img0364hh3.jpg

the heaviest i have ever been was 210lbs i swear i will be huge 1 day

ja_ke · 01-01-2007, 06:37 AM

You have a good attitude going right now. I also need to make many changes in 2007!

**romanaz** · 01-01-2007, 06:38 AM

skel, your going to rip this beast a new asshole. can't wait to see you throw it in the gutter and spit on it.

**madman911** · 01-01-2007, 02:34 PM

Alright, nice to see you back with the program Skelly Belly. All aboard the pain train....

**skelooth** · 01-01-2007, 06:10 PM

Jan. 1st.

I'm surprised to see some of my strength go up so quickly.

Dumbell Press (flat), 45lbs x 12, 80lbs x 8, 90lbs x 6, 90lbs x 4, 80lbs x 5, 80lbs x 4
flat db fly, 35lbs x 12 x12 x12
db pullover, 60lbs, x12 x12 x12
tricep rope push down, 100lbs x 5, 80lbs x 8 x 6

A little bit of a downer.... I decided to stand on the gym's scale today. I'm actually... 240lbs :'(

Will do cardio later...

Vegeto · 01-01-2007, 08:12 PM

Yo skel, your post really speaks to me. My 'monster' has been attacking me with depression this year, making my motivation non-existant, making me believe that it doesn't matter how hard I try... that I'll never be able to improve without doing something dishonorable. I don't want to fail because I never even gave it a shot, for all I know, I may just have a chance at success if I just give it everything I've got. I don't even look like someone who lifts weights at this point. Last year, I even quit my job because I had a mental breakdown. I don't want it to be like this though, I feel like any minute the world is going to knock on my door and point and laugh. It goes deeper than thinking I look like a fool though, I want to prove that it's possible for me to succeed, to myself too, so I don't need to live in despair any longer.

And about the women, I've become pretty jaded about that. Don't take that part personally skel, you're not the problem, they are. A saint would need to become a sinner to get with most women, maybe that's your problem. You're probably not a cold hearted bastard. ..But maybe that's just my depression talking, making me think it's impossible to succeed without becoming a bastard. Either way, 2007 might not suck, so I hear.

Here's to the hope of a better new year :friday:

**skelooth** · 01-02-2007, 04:03 AM

Did 30 minutes of stationary bike today much later than I planned, but damn it I got it done

it's 12 am, and I am going to bed soon

**Jayhawkk** · 01-02-2007, 06:09 AM

I knew you had it in you Skel. Keep up the focus and the good work and don't let it stop you even if it slows you down.

**Ikaika** · 01-02-2007, 08:59 AM

Proud to see you've kicked the funk that plagued you this fall. Hope to see great things from you this year for sure.

**skelooth** · 01-02-2007, 03:19 PM

Thanks guys! Your support means a lot to me!

Millz · 01-02-2007, 03:42 PM

I'm very much glad to see you kick the funk bro.

El Capitan · 01-02-2007, 03:43 PM

sixpack skelooth is coming soon! you WILL do this NO MATTER WHAT!

EC

**skelooth** · 01-02-2007, 05:17 PM

Feeling good today. I magically fit into my workout shirts again. Apparently all it took was 2-3 hours of cardio to lose a LOT of water. Love handles are still large and in charge of my physique though.

Did a super set of palm in pull ups and bent over over hand barbell rows.

5 pulls ups, followed by 6 rows at 135lbs, repeated four times, went into failure on fourth rep of pull ups on fourth round.

2x5 db row @ 75lbs, 2x5 at 70lbs

Small drop set of hammer grip curls starting at 30, then 25, to 20, to 15, all at 5-8 reps each.

I feel good. Even though I've lost a lot of ground, I'm still a MONSTER when I have a pump, and my vascularity in my bicep still pops up to say hello. I'm back in the game, and it feels good.

**davtown** · 01-02-2007, 09:58 PM

Keep kickin' ass, Skel! That's great that you can still perform bodyweight pullups... a lot of people can't.

**skelooth** · 01-03-2007, 01:06 AM

^ And at 240lbs no less, hah

I'll admit I look a little gorillaish mid workout. I'd say my arms have got to still be a good 18". In fact, all of my muscles are a LOT fuller and harder from only a week or two back at working out, and the insurgence of cardio has really caused me to drop a lot of subq water. I smell good things happening to me.

Anyway, just checking in. Did my 30 minutes of cardio for the evening... it gets easier and easier each time....

and of course, thanks for the support everyone

ah hell, while I'm at it, I'll post what I ate today for record's keeping sake.

Breakfast: 5 egg whites, one whole egg, one cup uncooked oats
Meal 2: PWO shake of protein and maltodextrin
Meal 3: 4oz chicken breast, 6oz sweet potato
meal 4: like two cups of chicken chili (chicken breast, kidney beans, pepers, onions, salsa, mmmmm)
meal 4.5: kept nibbling on the chili... hah.

haven't gotten to the next meal yet, but the more i look at it, the more it lo

01-01-2007, 04:21 AM	#1
skelooth eh heh heh Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Behind you Posts: 7,183 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 154	The Redemption. Inside every man waits a monster. A monster of sabotage and self betrayal. It fights to break free, it gnaws at your will power. It grows stronger with every waking day, it's sole purpose for existence is to consume you whole. I have fought battles with this monster many times throughout my life. Like in a game of tug'o'war the battle see saws between victory and defeat for both participants. The monster has been winning again. It seeks TO RUN MY LIFE INTO THE GROUND. It seeks to DESTROY ALL that I hold dear! It has already taken from me the fruits of the labor I worked so very hard for. It is destroying me from the inside out, as IT HAD ALWAYS INTENDED TO DO! 2007 is the year of redemption. I want my life back. I want the ability to grow as a person back. I want that opportunity to take a bite out of happiness that this monster has HELD FROM ME for so long. Like I said, these monsters lurk within the souls of all men. The monsters take many different forms and conduct their treachery in different fashions. What is my monster you ask? My monster is that little cringe of hunger you get when you see a pizza shop. It's that nervous knotted feeling when you see a girl you like. It's the little voice that says you're not good enough. It's the insatiable hunger for gluttony and sloth. I have a loose plan. It's very general. It's nothing ground breaking. Today is January first. I move back to school somewhere between the eleventh and the fourteenth. During this time I will do in excess of one OR TWO thirty minute cardio sessions PER day in addition to lifting weights three to four times a week. Allowed foods: Sweet potatoes/yams oatmeal fish chicken vegetables 100% whole wheat bread sparingly Cold Cuts sparingly Walnuts Olive Oil Supplements: Protein powder, Maltodextrin, multivitamin Rep ranges of 8-12 Calorie range between 2300 and 2700 per day Once school starts, I don't care if I look like an idiot... I'm bringing my stationary bike with me. I do not like going to the school gym for cardio. It's TOO crowded and full of wanna be PUAs who'm I'd love nothing more than to punch in the face, as they check their abs in the mirror. Wish me luck. I'm not sure what I'll write in this log. Nothing overly technical. Maybe just some lifts, how much cardio I've been doing, and general rantings and ravings, because my tortured mind needs to express it's self. Currently I am 230lbs, my love handles are possibley as big as they ever were before I lost weight... they literally sag over my belt line in all of their disgusting glory. None of my workout clothes fit. In fact, none of my clothes fit. My legs are monstrously huge due to a mixture of fat and muscle... and I'm generally a mess of a man, as I've been slowly crawling back to a 40" waist. (YES! 40" !!! After being so low as 34!!!!!!!!) __________________

01-01-2007, 04:28 AM	#2
JB20 Heavy Metal Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 657 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 41	its time for me to break past my 190lb frame and finally because a monster through dedication and domination you are already a pretty good size so i think you should just continue to put on mass and do your cardio as you see fit but also allow yourself to eat what you want from time to time there are a lot of skinny guys out there with 6 packs but not a lot of guys who are monsters __________________ http://sonybmg.com/musicbox/video/aliceinchains/

01-01-2007, 04:41 AM	#3
skelooth eh heh heh Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Behind you Posts: 7,183 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 154	I'll always be big. It's a good thing, and it's a bad thing. It's definitely in my genetic mapping to be twice the size of most people. i was able to hit 19" arms and over 27" legs in only the first few years of working out. But that same advantage is a disadvantage. I have a hard time controlling my appetite, and even when I do, I have a difficult time dropping the pounds once I get to my set point. I've always thought that it was hard to get past my set point because I "needed more muscle", but I know now that I was wrong. I have done everything in the world to avoid massive amounts of cardio. There is no other choice. I need to put my dues in at the stationary bike. I can't kid myself any longer. This time around cardio is getting the first class treatment. I'll also be eating carbs... which is different for me. I want that six pack for reasons so obvious yet so private that it drives me up the wall. Edit: And yes, this is what I'm doing new years a.m. .... obsessing over my body. I just feel like it's something that needs to be done. I need a means to an end. Being truely honest, I'm absolutely miserable right now. This is the only way I know of to fix it. This is NOT a scape goat ... this is in fact the ROOT of my problems. I see that now, and am comfortable with that. __________________

01-01-2007, 04:49 AM	#4
JB20 Heavy Metal Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 657 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 41	no ****ing surrender man i know you will reach your goals i had 27 inch thighs before the the surgery i had on my legs but now their down to 23 inches after a year of recovering i just started recently training my legs again without a doubt they are my most develop muscle or they were here's a recent upper body pic from a few months ago http://img137.imageshack.us/my.php?image=img0364hh3.jpg the heaviest i have ever been was 210lbs i swear i will be huge 1 day __________________ http://sonybmg.com/musicbox/video/aliceinchains/

01-01-2007, 02:34 PM	#7
madman911 Metamorphosizing Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Boston Area Posts: 1,526 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 60	Alright, nice to see you back with the program Skelly Belly. All aboard the pain train.... __________________ Millennium Sport Technologies Sponsored Athlete http://www.millenniumsport.net IMPC 2006 Novice Division Champ IMPC 2007 Open Division Champ Never underestimate the power of the bandana.

01-01-2007, 06:37 AM	#5
ja_ke Pro Stature Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Allen Park, MI Posts: 207 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 7	You have a good attitude going right now. I also need to make many changes in 2007!

01-01-2007, 06:10 PM	#8
skelooth eh heh heh Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Behind you Posts: 7,183 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 154	Jan. 1st. I'm surprised to see some of my strength go up so quickly. Dumbell Press (flat), 45lbs x 12, 80lbs x 8, 90lbs x 6, 90lbs x 4, 80lbs x 5, 80lbs x 4 flat db fly, 35lbs x 12 x12 x12 db pullover, 60lbs, x12 x12 x12 tricep rope push down, 100lbs x 5, 80lbs x 8 x 6 A little bit of a downer.... I decided to stand on the gym's scale today. I'm actually... 240lbs :'( Will do cardio later... __________________

01-01-2007, 08:12 PM	#9
Vegeto blameless sinner Join Date: May 2005 Location: Minnesota Posts: 803 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 15	Yo skel, your post really speaks to me. My 'monster' has been attacking me with depression this year, making my motivation non-existant, making me believe that it doesn't matter how hard I try... that I'll never be able to improve without doing something dishonorable. I don't want to fail because I never even gave it a shot, for all I know, I may just have a chance at success if I just give it everything I've got. I don't even look like someone who lifts weights at this point. Last year, I even quit my job because I had a mental breakdown. I don't want it to be like this though, I feel like any minute the world is going to knock on my door and point and laugh. It goes deeper than thinking I look like a fool though, I want to prove that it's possible for me to succeed, to myself too, so I don't need to live in despair any longer. And about the women, I've become pretty jaded about that. Don't take that part personally skel, you're not the problem, they are. A saint would need to become a sinner to get with most women, maybe that's your problem. You're probably not a cold hearted bastard. ..But maybe that's just my depression talking, making me think it's impossible to succeed without becoming a bastard. Either way, 2007 might not suck, so I hear. Here's to the hope of a better new year :friday: __________________ ______________ ________________ ......Busy Training...... __________________ ________________ __________________

01-02-2007, 04:03 AM	#10
skelooth eh heh heh Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Behind you Posts: 7,183 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 154	Did 30 minutes of stationary bike today much later than I planned, but damn it I got it done it's 12 am, and I am going to bed soon __________________

01-02-2007, 06:09 AM	#11
Jayhawkk Nutraplanet Rep Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,106 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 44	I knew you had it in you Skel. Keep up the focus and the good work and don't let it stop you even if it slows you down. __________________ Nutraplanet.com for all your supplement needs! ------------------------------ Hangin's too good for 'em! BURNIN'S too good for 'em! They should be ripped into itsy-bitsy little pieces and BURIED ALIVE!

01-02-2007, 08:59 AM	#12
Ikaika resident degen Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 3,662 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 214	Proud to see you've kicked the funk that plagued you this fall. Hope to see great things from you this year for sure. __________________ No supplement can make up for the lack of a strong work ethic.

01-02-2007, 03:19 PM	#13
skelooth eh heh heh Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Behind you Posts: 7,183 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 154	Thanks guys! Your support means a lot to me! __________________

01-02-2007, 03:42 PM	#14
Millz Pro Stature Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: NoVa Posts: 109 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 4	I'm very much glad to see you kick the funk bro. __________________ Progress has little to do with speed, but much to do with direction. Effort is nothing without intensity.

01-02-2007, 03:43 PM	#15
El Capitan Pro Stature Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 531 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 14	sixpack skelooth is coming soon! you WILL do this NO MATTER WHAT! EC __________________ Current/ goal for end of summer: Shitty life/ improve my life.

01-02-2007, 05:17 PM	#16
skelooth eh heh heh Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Behind you Posts: 7,183 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 154	Feeling good today. I magically fit into my workout shirts again. Apparently all it took was 2-3 hours of cardio to lose a LOT of water. Love handles are still large and in charge of my physique though. Did a super set of palm in pull ups and bent over over hand barbell rows. 5 pulls ups, followed by 6 rows at 135lbs, repeated four times, went into failure on fourth rep of pull ups on fourth round. 2x5 db row @ 75lbs, 2x5 at 70lbs Small drop set of hammer grip curls starting at 30, then 25, to 20, to 15, all at 5-8 reps each. I feel good. Even though I've lost a lot of ground, I'm still a MONSTER when I have a pump, and my vascularity in my bicep still pops up to say hello. I'm back in the game, and it feels good. __________________

01-02-2007, 09:58 PM	#17
davtown OM NOM NOM NOM Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: San Francisco Posts: 2,360 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 128	Keep kickin' ass, Skel! That's great that you can still perform bodyweight pullups... a lot of people can't. __________________ --Training Journal-- current/goal D: 350/380 S: 280/300 B: 235/260