PammieJoe's - Women Can Lift Heavy Too! - Journal! - Page 80

pammiejoe6 · 05-31-2007, 04:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkFalcon

What has dh been saying in his sleep?

I looked back but couldn't find it.

hahah um....hmmmm...well lets see...the first time it was him saying his bosses wifes name over and over again in a sexual manner.....even though he hates her....lol.....then once he said " i need a whore" ...ack! another time he just moaned and moaned and then said how much he loved trucker sluts....hahahahahahahaaa! i have told him everything he says and the hurt in his eyes when i tell him tells me he isnt doing anything in real life...but boy oh boy does it piss me off!!!the poor guy works 8 days a week and comes home covered in grease...i KNOW IN MY HEART he is faithful....but he has a very sexually imaginative mind and his dreams are very real....lol....easily misunderstood words!

pammiejoe6 · 05-31-2007, 04:31 AM

hey yall!

well i have once again lost track of my goal....yesterday we had our grandbaby and his daddy and mommy over so we had a few coctails and BBQd steaks and made baked potatoes...had cheesecake for desert....

i DID get in 2 hours of steady state cardio this afternoon...i cleaned out the neighbors camphouse pool and that meant me getting in and scrubbing all the walls and floors etc etc...then we swam around having fun for the next hour....it felt great and i got some nice sun out of the deal plus a few bucks more than i had...course i spent that on gas so its almost like i worked for free! UGH!

my neighbor lady made it through her shoulder surgery but will need me at her side for the next few weeks thank gawd! i think my husband is on the brink of quiting his job so i feel very stressed...i might need to go get another job soon or at least put out flyers about my cleaning.....that might be a great idea anyway....we will see..

so whateverrrr....lol....at least i got in some much needed cardio today...we will see what tomorrow brings....

JJ_Sungirl · 05-31-2007, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pammiejoe6

hey yall!

well i have once again lost track of my goal..

At least you got to enjoy some cheesecake and then do some cardio. Just jump back on the wagon and keep going, sweetie. Hope everything works for ya... with you having to look for a few more working hours. Remember to try and keep stress to minimum, it's a weight loss inhibitor. Take a deep breath and do some relaxing next time you're doing the backstroke at the pool

pammiejoe6 · 05-31-2007, 10:19 PM

i got in another hour of swimming today! it felt fantastic! i swam so many laps i thought i was gonna DIE! hahaha!!

pammiejoe6 · 06-04-2007, 03:51 PM

im here! sorry it took me so long to get in and journal...things have been quite interesting around here....

as you know hubby came home thursday night (my dd's actual birthday) and informed me he had quit his job. it pretty much put a damper on the evening even though i tried my best not to let it....we still had cake and all that for my daughter but i know she knew i was stressed out to the max so i felt even more stress because i wanted her day to be totally special.... i was just SO worried about things...how we would pay the bills....how we would have enough money to eat...etc etc.....it was almost too much for me! TOM was here too....and BOY OH BOY was he a BAD ONE! i was absolutely out of whack! hubby just went to bed that night and slept like a baby but i tossed and turned and couldnt sleep much at all.
the next morning i awoke to my hubby looking SO happy...he was able to sleep in and relax....he was saying how great it was that he never had to go back to that job....ugh! i was a total ball of stress by now without having much sleep combined with TOM AND everything else...and there he was feeling on top of the world! he did have a few job prospects, but none that came even close to what he WAS making weekly....so i wasnt sure at all that this was a great idea....i tried to talk to him a few times and he listened but still didnt seem to want to even talk to his boss ever again....i knew from the past that he was just being stubborn....he got mad and felt unappreciated and decided that was IT when in reality it was a very minor thing that could be worked out if only he would take the time to talk to his boss yanno? but it didnt look good...he went for a few interviews and was told he had a job at this place he used to work down the street but that it would be 2 weeks before he could get in and get started....WTF? no WAY could we live on what i make for 2 weeks without having things shut off etc! hubby seemed to think things would be fine but i made him look at the calendar and see what bills were due each week....he acted like he had no clue we had so many bills to pay.....then he started acting like we didnt need to have DISH....didnt need the computer....etc etc....like he was willing to give up the things we need just so he didnt have to worry about making the cash to pay the bills....oh man i almost went totally ballastic on him....i told him i thought he was being selfish and that he really needed to get a grip and look at the big picture...that he had a family who was relying on him to help out and pay the bills....of course i also said i would do my very best to get more work...but i cant do it all alone....i agreed that if i can get enough work to make more money maybe he could find something that paid less that he was happier doing...but right now i didnt know what we would do! it sucked! he could tell i was on the verge of total meltdown...
basically i WAS....i was drinking again....eating like crap....hadnt worked out in a week...UGH! i totally let EVERYTHING get to me!
saturday morning we all woke up fairly happy...i was trying my best to stay that way knowing my DD was having her friends come with us to the hotel...but it was difficult...hubby had given me his last paycheck...i paid the house payment and had only enough money left to go to the hotel and buy the dinner that evening....after that we were looking at only having $40 left PERIOD! OMG! no WAY!
i wasnt sure what we were going to do! thats when hubby came in and asked if i was going to be able to relax and have fun at the hotel...i said "honestly i dont think i will be able to relax".....next thing i know he was on the phone with his boss talking things through...he agreed to start back on monday but had a few new terms...one being that he get 2 days off a week instead of only 1...on one hand i was SO glad he called his job and agreed to go back....on the other i felt guilty, like it was my fault he HAD to go back....like he didnt do it for himself but for me and if he is unhappy it will be all my fault. UGH! i decided to go with just trying to be happy that we would have cash coming in...LOL
the hotel was fun at first....we had the grandbaby over with mitch jr and his g/f....everything was going fine....the girls were having fun etc etc... and then hubby started getting weird about our doggy being around the baby....i can understand the concern but the dog wasnt doing anything at all to make anyone think he was going to hurt that baby...even his mommy agreed she wasnt worried at all...i tried to tell hubby he was being silly but he raised his voice at me in front of everyone so i banished the dog...from that point on things went sour...i tried to talk to hubby but it didnt work because i started to cry everytime i tried to make a point...ugh...after the family left and the girls went to their room hubby and i started in on each other and fought half the damn night...of course when i got up the next morning i looked like total crap and felt even more stupid because my dd and her friends knew we had been fighting...SO embarrassing! i think i had a total meltdown that night....what with all the stress i had been dealing with....and hubby too....we just imploded and totally lost it. it sucked!
sunday was a bit better...hubby was doing his very best to be nice to me and i too was apologetic and only wanted things to get back to normal...we went home and he got to work outside and i cleaned the inside and when we finally met up again we both felt better and had a relaxing evening.
this morning when i woke up he was gone back to work....i really really hope it goes well!

eating has just plain sucked and i am sick of it! i HATE the way i look and feel right now! i feel like i have gained EVERYTHING back and that i look fatter than EVER! its the worst feeling in the world to have done so well and then realize that it was all for nothing because here i am right back where i started. i cannot let myself go down the evil road of negativity though.....all i CAN do is get back to low carb and keep trying...

i am due over at the neighbors soon so i guess id better get dressed etc etc....PLEASE forgive me for not getting to journals at all these last few days...i love you all and just have been wrapped up in my little world....

pammiejoe6 · 06-04-2007, 09:34 PM

oops i just read back in my journal and i guess i DIDNT come in here and mention that hubby had quit his job! sowwy!!

well...now you know....hahah

pammiejoe6 · 06-05-2007, 01:23 PM

yesterday was a good day! yay!

pammiejoe6 · 06-07-2007, 03:45 PM

....sorry i havent been in much....i have been really busy but also i just havent felt up to journaling all that much....thankfully i am feeling a bit better about that today!

the last few days have been good....i havent gone overboard on my eating and i feel like today will be a success too! i have been walking daily....about a mile is all....but its better than nothing! i am also looking for a new lifting routine and plan to get started with that very soon.....i might just lift today for the hell of it....we will see....

i am getting ready to measure and weigh....but i prolly wont post the results...LOL...after today i will measure once a week....dunno about the scale though....it hates me!

pammiejoe6 · 06-08-2007, 02:07 PM

well i am calling today DAY 2...yesterday was absolutely perfect so i figure i will keep count and see how long it takes before i start slipping back down that slippery slope called stress eating/drinking....its not that i WANT to screw up but frankly its only a matter of time before i do...if i let myself that is....if i could just figure out how to NOT CAVE in the face of stress/temptation i would be set! i have heard that theres something out there called CONTROL but i have yet to find any anywhere around me!

why do i subconsciously feel as if i dont DESERVE to be thinner? its almost as if i am not allowing it to happen....like i feel like i am not worthy of being happy...self-sabatoge is a very evil thing! i AM WORTHY! i totally deserve to be happy......dont i? ....and will being thinner actually MAKE me happy? or will i get there and discover that i feel exactly the same way inside that i did when i was fatter and gain it all back again? is that what already happened??

....i CAN do this.....i KNOW i can! i HAVE done it!!! theres absolutely no reason in the world why i cant do it again....

i must do my very best to keep this thinking in my head at all times....when i start to let myself push it away its easy to cave and make mistakes.....when that rock solid determination is sitting in my brain theres no room for anything else.

**MacTech** · 06-08-2007, 02:15 PM

Ahhh, good ole tempatation. It knocks on my door everyday.

You CAN do it, if you want it bad enough. Don't let a slip here or there ruin your determination. Whether you will feel better being thinner or other things are naggy you inside, push it towards the back of your mind as far as you can.

Keep up the battle, you WILL win!

strong kathy · 06-08-2007, 02:56 PM

Pammie Think of our competition we are going to have and use that as motivation

pammiejoe6 · 06-08-2007, 09:14 PM

thanks for the support yall!!

well so far so great today! i have stayed really busy and eating has been totally low carb! its been a sorta stressful day today too so i am pleased that i have abstained from anything "BAD"....hah! now i have to get in some sort of exercise!

pammiejoe6 · 06-09-2007, 12:36 AM

i just got off the phone with hubby and GUESS WHAT? he has a job offer!! yay! heheh!!!
apparantly one of the people he had recently talked to about a job....who knows how mechanically talented he is....heard of a DIFFERENT job offer and talked to the other job about my hubby! he then called my hubby and set the two up on the phone....the guy offered hubby a job making MORE than he is right now AND a company truck! WOW! i was so excited for him! i told him how proud of him i was and he said he is still going to wait to quit this other job until he goes in and talks to this new employer in person and is sure its a good job etc etc....YAY! I AM SO PROUD OF HIM!! and WOW AM I RELIEVED!!

so far i havent gotten in any exercise today but eating has been absolutely perfect!

strong kathy · 06-09-2007, 02:06 AM

Pammie
Thats great Hope all works out for the best

lbeauchamp2000 · 06-09-2007, 04:49 AM

even when you stress, although it seems impossible, Please Please Please take time for yourself. Even if its only an hour take it and do NOTHING. No phone, no lifting, no eating, no tv, no computer, NOTHING. Just go somewhere at leat for an hour and do nothing but breathe. You have to relax every day and EVERYTHING needs a rest at some point or it will break down. Keep up the good work, your stories are so motivational for me. Congrats on the hubbys job, all will be well for you guys. Peace

05-31-2007, 04:31 AM	#2372
pammiejoe6 Pink Members Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: south texas Posts: 4,178 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 85	Re: PammieJoe's - Women Can Lift Heavy Too! - Journal! hey yall! well i have once again lost track of my goal....yesterday we had our grandbaby and his daddy and mommy over so we had a few coctails and BBQd steaks and made baked potatoes...had cheesecake for desert.... i DID get in 2 hours of steady state cardio this afternoon...i cleaned out the neighbors camphouse pool and that meant me getting in and scrubbing all the walls and floors etc etc...then we swam around having fun for the next hour....it felt great and i got some nice sun out of the deal plus a few bucks more than i had...course i spent that on gas so its almost like i worked for free! UGH! my neighbor lady made it through her shoulder surgery but will need me at her side for the next few weeks thank gawd! i think my husband is on the brink of quiting his job so i feel very stressed...i might need to go get another job soon or at least put out flyers about my cleaning.....that might be a great idea anyway....we will see.. so whateverrrr....lol....at least i got in some much needed cardio today...we will see what tomorrow brings....

05-31-2007, 10:19 PM	#2374
pammiejoe6 Pink Members Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: south texas Posts: 4,178 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 85	Re: PammieJoe's - Women Can Lift Heavy Too! - Journal! i got in another hour of swimming today! it felt fantastic! i swam so many laps i thought i was gonna DIE! hahaha!!

06-04-2007, 03:51 PM	#2375
pammiejoe6 Pink Members Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: south texas Posts: 4,178 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 85	Re: PammieJoe's - Women Can Lift Heavy Too! - Journal! im here! sorry it took me so long to get in and journal...things have been quite interesting around here.... as you know hubby came home thursday night (my dd's actual birthday) and informed me he had quit his job. it pretty much put a damper on the evening even though i tried my best not to let it....we still had cake and all that for my daughter but i know she knew i was stressed out to the max so i felt even more stress because i wanted her day to be totally special.... i was just SO worried about things...how we would pay the bills....how we would have enough money to eat...etc etc.....it was almost too much for me! TOM was here too....and BOY OH BOY was he a BAD ONE! i was absolutely out of whack! hubby just went to bed that night and slept like a baby but i tossed and turned and couldnt sleep much at all. the next morning i awoke to my hubby looking SO happy...he was able to sleep in and relax....he was saying how great it was that he never had to go back to that job....ugh! i was a total ball of stress by now without having much sleep combined with TOM AND everything else...and there he was feeling on top of the world! he did have a few job prospects, but none that came even close to what he WAS making weekly....so i wasnt sure at all that this was a great idea....i tried to talk to him a few times and he listened but still didnt seem to want to even talk to his boss ever again....i knew from the past that he was just being stubborn....he got mad and felt unappreciated and decided that was IT when in reality it was a very minor thing that could be worked out if only he would take the time to talk to his boss yanno? but it didnt look good...he went for a few interviews and was told he had a job at this place he used to work down the street but that it would be 2 weeks before he could get in and get started....WTF? no WAY could we live on what i make for 2 weeks without having things shut off etc! hubby seemed to think things would be fine but i made him look at the calendar and see what bills were due each week....he acted like he had no clue we had so many bills to pay.....then he started acting like we didnt need to have DISH....didnt need the computer....etc etc....like he was willing to give up the things we need just so he didnt have to worry about making the cash to pay the bills....oh man i almost went totally ballastic on him....i told him i thought he was being selfish and that he really needed to get a grip and look at the big picture...that he had a family who was relying on him to help out and pay the bills....of course i also said i would do my very best to get more work...but i cant do it all alone....i agreed that if i can get enough work to make more money maybe he could find something that paid less that he was happier doing...but right now i didnt know what we would do! it sucked! he could tell i was on the verge of total meltdown... basically i WAS....i was drinking again....eating like crap....hadnt worked out in a week...UGH! i totally let EVERYTHING get to me! saturday morning we all woke up fairly happy...i was trying my best to stay that way knowing my DD was having her friends come with us to the hotel...but it was difficult...hubby had given me his last paycheck...i paid the house payment and had only enough money left to go to the hotel and buy the dinner that evening....after that we were looking at only having $40 left PERIOD! OMG! no WAY! i wasnt sure what we were going to do! thats when hubby came in and asked if i was going to be able to relax and have fun at the hotel...i said "honestly i dont think i will be able to relax".....next thing i know he was on the phone with his boss talking things through...he agreed to start back on monday but had a few new terms...one being that he get 2 days off a week instead of only 1...on one hand i was SO glad he called his job and agreed to go back....on the other i felt guilty, like it was my fault he HAD to go back....like he didnt do it for himself but for me and if he is unhappy it will be all my fault. UGH! i decided to go with just trying to be happy that we would have cash coming in...LOL the hotel was fun at first....we had the grandbaby over with mitch jr and his g/f....everything was going fine....the girls were having fun etc etc... and then hubby started getting weird about our doggy being around the baby....i can understand the concern but the dog wasnt doing anything at all to make anyone think he was going to hurt that baby...even his mommy agreed she wasnt worried at all...i tried to tell hubby he was being silly but he raised his voice at me in front of everyone so i banished the dog...from that point on things went sour...i tried to talk to hubby but it didnt work because i started to cry everytime i tried to make a point...ugh...after the family left and the girls went to their room hubby and i started in on each other and fought half the damn night...of course when i got up the next morning i looked like total crap and felt even more stupid because my dd and her friends knew we had been fighting...SO embarrassing! i think i had a total meltdown that night....what with all the stress i had been dealing with....and hubby too....we just imploded and totally lost it. it sucked! sunday was a bit better...hubby was doing his very best to be nice to me and i too was apologetic and only wanted things to get back to normal...we went home and he got to work outside and i cleaned the inside and when we finally met up again we both felt better and had a relaxing evening. this morning when i woke up he was gone back to work....i really really hope it goes well! eating has just plain sucked and i am sick of it! i HATE the way i look and feel right now! i feel like i have gained EVERYTHING back and that i look fatter than EVER! its the worst feeling in the world to have done so well and then realize that it was all for nothing because here i am right back where i started. i cannot let myself go down the evil road of negativity though.....all i CAN do is get back to low carb and keep trying... i am due over at the neighbors soon so i guess id better get dressed etc etc....PLEASE forgive me for not getting to journals at all these last few days...i love you all and just have been wrapped up in my little world....

06-04-2007, 09:34 PM	#2376
pammiejoe6 Pink Members Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: south texas Posts: 4,178 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 85	Re: PammieJoe's - Women Can Lift Heavy Too! - Journal! oops i just read back in my journal and i guess i DIDNT come in here and mention that hubby had quit his job! sowwy!! well...now you know....hahah

06-05-2007, 01:23 PM	#2377
pammiejoe6 Pink Members Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: south texas Posts: 4,178 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 85	Re: PammieJoe's - Women Can Lift Heavy Too! - Journal! yesterday was a good day! yay!

06-07-2007, 03:45 PM	#2378
pammiejoe6 Pink Members Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: south texas Posts: 4,178 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 85	Re: PammieJoe's - Women Can Lift Heavy Too! - Journal! ....sorry i havent been in much....i have been really busy but also i just havent felt up to journaling all that much....thankfully i am feeling a bit better about that today! the last few days have been good....i havent gone overboard on my eating and i feel like today will be a success too! i have been walking daily....about a mile is all....but its better than nothing! i am also looking for a new lifting routine and plan to get started with that very soon.....i might just lift today for the hell of it....we will see.... i am getting ready to measure and weigh....but i prolly wont post the results...LOL...after today i will measure once a week....dunno about the scale though....it hates me!

06-08-2007, 02:07 PM	#2379
pammiejoe6 Pink Members Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: south texas Posts: 4,178 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 85	Re: PammieJoe's - Women Can Lift Heavy Too! - Journal! well i am calling today DAY 2...yesterday was absolutely perfect so i figure i will keep count and see how long it takes before i start slipping back down that slippery slope called stress eating/drinking....its not that i WANT to screw up but frankly its only a matter of time before i do...if i let myself that is....if i could just figure out how to NOT CAVE in the face of stress/temptation i would be set! i have heard that theres something out there called CONTROL but i have yet to find any anywhere around me! why do i subconsciously feel as if i dont DESERVE to be thinner? its almost as if i am not allowing it to happen....like i feel like i am not worthy of being happy...self-sabatoge is a very evil thing! i AM WORTHY! i totally deserve to be happy......dont i? ....and will being thinner actually MAKE me happy? or will i get there and discover that i feel exactly the same way inside that i did when i was fatter and gain it all back again? is that what already happened?? ....i CAN do this.....i KNOW i can! i HAVE done it!!! theres absolutely no reason in the world why i cant do it again.... i must do my very best to keep this thinking in my head at all times....when i start to let myself push it away its easy to cave and make mistakes.....when that rock solid determination is sitting in my brain theres no room for anything else.

06-08-2007, 02:15 PM	#2380
MacTech IronMassoholic Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: State of well being Posts: 439 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 35	Re: PammieJoe's - Women Can Lift Heavy Too! - Journal! Ahhh, good ole tempatation. It knocks on my door everyday. You CAN do it, if you want it bad enough. Don't let a slip here or there ruin your determination. Whether you will feel better being thinner or other things are naggy you inside, push it towards the back of your mind as far as you can. Keep up the battle, you WILL win! __________________ Still going thru life one rep at a time. My training journal.

06-08-2007, 02:56 PM	#2381
strong kathy Amateur Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 62 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 13	Re: PammieJoe's - Women Can Lift Heavy Too! - Journal! Pammie Think of our competition we are going to have and use that as motivation

06-08-2007, 09:14 PM	#2382
pammiejoe6 Pink Members Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: south texas Posts: 4,178 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 85	Re: PammieJoe's - Women Can Lift Heavy Too! - Journal! thanks for the support yall!! well so far so great today! i have stayed really busy and eating has been totally low carb! its been a sorta stressful day today too so i am pleased that i have abstained from anything "BAD"....hah! now i have to get in some sort of exercise!

06-09-2007, 12:36 AM	#2383
pammiejoe6 Pink Members Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: south texas Posts: 4,178 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 85	Re: PammieJoe's - Women Can Lift Heavy Too! - Journal! i just got off the phone with hubby and GUESS WHAT? he has a job offer!! yay! heheh!!! apparantly one of the people he had recently talked to about a job....who knows how mechanically talented he is....heard of a DIFFERENT job offer and talked to the other job about my hubby! he then called my hubby and set the two up on the phone....the guy offered hubby a job making MORE than he is right now AND a company truck! WOW! i was so excited for him! i told him how proud of him i was and he said he is still going to wait to quit this other job until he goes in and talks to this new employer in person and is sure its a good job etc etc....YAY! I AM SO PROUD OF HIM!! and WOW AM I RELIEVED!! so far i havent gotten in any exercise today but eating has been absolutely perfect!

06-09-2007, 02:06 AM	#2384
strong kathy Amateur Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 62 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 13	Re: PammieJoe's - Women Can Lift Heavy Too! - Journal! Pammie Thats great Hope all works out for the best

06-09-2007, 04:49 AM	#2385
lbeauchamp2000 New Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 2 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 0	Re: PammieJoe's - Women Can Lift Heavy Too! - Journal! even when you stress, although it seems impossible, Please Please Please take time for yourself. Even if its only an hour take it and do NOTHING. No phone, no lifting, no eating, no tv, no computer, NOTHING. Just go somewhere at leat for an hour and do nothing but breathe. You have to relax every day and EVERYTHING needs a rest at some point or it will break down. Keep up the good work, your stories are so motivational for me. Congrats on the hubbys job, all will be well for you guys. Peace __________________ The things I used to do all night, now take me all night to do... Trying to work that out:box:

06-09-2007, 05:46 PM	#2386
pammiejoe6 Pink Members Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: south texas Posts: 4,178 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 85