1stindoor

Thought I'd start a new thread for ya Dan. This is dedicated to those funny things we've seen today. For basic ground rules we'll leave off the "old" guys getting naked in the locker room.

Today, someone I hadn't seen before came in at 5:00 a.m. This is my normal time and I know most of the other knuckleheads that get up that early. This was the noobs "routine"

1. Spent about 10 minutes sitting on a bench playing with his walkman.
2. From there he went to the cable crossover machine, set the pulley high, attached the EZ bar to it, laid on his back and did...Laying Rows????
3. Then he walked around until he found the hip sled and started doing "palm strikes" (think martial arts) on the backside of the sled.
4. Enroute back to the cable crossover area, I guess his favorite song came up on his CD, because at that point he started singing...loudly!
5. Another set of Laying Rows...I can't describe it any other way.
6. Round 2 on the hipsled....I think he was ahead on points.(still singing BTW)
7. A quick set of flat bench with the 25's and out the door to parts unknown.

All in all a very entertaining morning.

Capt. America

You all know this guy.....load up the squat rack with 300+ pounds. Smack his head on the squat rack several times, takes 10 or so deep loud breaths, yells....."Oh yea, here we go, I can do it!" Makes loud grunting noises and settles in to a nice stable squat position. (By this time we all know this guy is going to bang out some serious ATG reps). But....NOOOOO! The bar moves several times about 4-5 ". Ahhh....first set done!!!!!

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Dan

LOL @ both of those

It has been pretty mellow around my gym but I am on the lookout to cause a major issue. A friend of mines daughter works there and some old perve keeps hitting on her. She is 17 he is old and fat so I am told ...he has yet to be there when I am.

1stindoor

See! You set a bad example for him by making it look easy. EVERYONE knows when new people are in the gym you're supposed to scream and bang your head. If nothing else it keeps people from stealing your weights.

body2big

HEY I had the guy Squatting in my gym today. LOL I go in talk with the guy at the counter for a bit. I get over to the rack area. One rack has 275 on a bar no one around HMMM well I'll just use the other one. So I do my warm up with 135 ATG style. do my sets I end with 250 on the bar. Now I do ATG on all my squats. A good size guy comes strolling back from who knows where and gets under the 275 gets his stance drops about 6" and back up for a few reps. He then goes and does 225 on the bench press. Legs and chest one hell of a workout there.

Shawn

Dan

Damn that is a good one In-Human... LOL

toughnuts

lol, I know I am not over 30 but this thread is awesome! There is this guy at my gym who does everything on a swiss ball. I mean everything! I see him do stiff legged deadlifts on a swiss ball, dumbbell curls, and even one arm cable crossovers! It is pretty funny.

sfiximo

The screamers. They scream as loud as possible in each set. It doesnt matter if its 135 or 315 on the bar they scream and grunt like if someones raping them.

The deflating tire. You know, on the negative of every set they go "TTSSSSSSSSSS"

The showoff. You know, skinny as hell, has a little bicep with a vein and does 15 sets of concentration curls with a sleeveless shirt

The stinker. Stinks when you go near him. The machine he just used stinks too. When he is spotting you when you bench you get 5 reps less than you wanted because when he exhales you lose your breath because of the smell.

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1stindoor

If nothing else he's got to have pretty good balance.

1stindoor

I had to laugh when I read that. Today was back day and I finished my DLs with 365 for 5 reps. The last couple I was "the screamer." Didn't really realize it though until I had finished and noticed more than a few people looking at me like, "What's his problem?"

Dan

I am SO glad the screemer no longer lifts when I do.

toughnuts

Here are some funny things I think:
-People who curl in the squat rack (with weak ass weight nonetheless)
-ILS (Invisible Lat Syndrome) Don't confuse this with Instrument Landing System......
-Guys who do Bench then DB Curls and then rotate between these for their entire workout.
-That really hot chick who does sldl with the light db's (It makes me lose my concentration, not so funny)

1stindoor

That's normally not me, but I guess I was being enthusiastic.

I don't mind the screamer as much when he's lifting heavy. I don't like him when he's getting ready to lift and just trying to draw attention to himself.

Dan

I nearly got hurt while doing squats one time ...there was this woman on doing fly's legs apart. I got under the weight started to lift ..head up... BAM... she was clean shaven. Back down the weight went with a twinge in my back.

toughnuts

Yeah women can be dangerous in the gym.

Gappa238

Have you always wanted to be one of those feared monsters in the gym, but never knew the secret? Have people covered their eyes in fear when you walk past? Do you see little scrawny guys scurry away from the fountain when you grunt, or have an entourage follow you around to watch your every lift, in absolute awe? Well, you've got to get noticed, and do the stylin' squat. Here's the guide for doing squats to ensure the fastest growth in your gym prowess: (meatheads need not apply)
Step 1: Preparation
For your "initiation day" at the gym (the one that will set you well on your way to monsterhood), you should have the following ready:
- Chalk (find some that makes the biggest cloud that hangs in the air for the longest time after you clap your hands with it). Store it in a tupperware container, important for the veteran look.
- Powerlifting belt. 4-6 inches on the back. Essential. The biggest prongs and buckle you can find. It must be leather, too. Remember to remove the price tag.
- Knee wraps. If you can find them, get ones that take about 5 minutes to wrap. Any less just won't do.
- Get a crew cut. Everybody knows a short haircut makes you look bigger.
- Cheap water bottle.
- Practice the ILS strut -- walk around like you've got barrels under your arms, the bigger the better.

Step 2: The Walk
Go to the squat rack, and nothing but the squat rack. You must find the most direct line, even if that means walking over a benchpress or through a conversation between monster- heads. Don't be intimidated. You're going to earn their respect today. If anyone talks to you on your way, you must ignore them, with your eyes fixed on the rack. You mustn't talk, as this takes away from your intense look. During the walk, you musn't trip over anything, as this doesn't look good either. If necessary, practice the direct-route walk when the gym is empty, so you know where the difficult areas are.

Step 3: Taking the Rack
When you arrive at the rack, if there's a skinny guy doing curls, then push him over, and say, "get outta here, rat!" Make sure he gets hurt when he falls. Clench your jaw together when you're doing this, for additional effect. If there's a big guy, then hang off for a while, standing near the rack, but make sure your lats are flexed 'til they cramp, and in complete view of the rest of the gym -- it helps if you tuck in your tank top. It's much better if you time your entrance (beginning of step 2) so that there's no big guy at the rack by the time you've finished your Walk.

Step 4: The Setup
Now that you have your own rack (or cage), it's important to get some attention. Drop your gear near the rack as loudly as possible, preferably so that the prongs of the belt hit something metallic.
Look in the mirror in front of you to see if anybody heard, if not, then make sure the supports in the cage are strong by hitting them loudly with the side of your hand as hard as you can without getting a bruise.
Now, pick up your belt and cinch it up as tight as you can manage. Tighten until your waist is 20 inches. Contrasting your 40 inch chest, you now have an impressive v-taper, just like the pros.
Walk up to the bar, hit it with both hands (again, forcefully enough) grunt at it, and then turn around to check out your audience. The more people near the rack, the more impressive your lift will seem.
Throw on a pair of 45s. Make sure that you throw them on as hard as you can manage without losing your balance. This is an excellent way to cultivate your audience. Next, put on your wraps and double-check your belt. Pick up your water bottle, take a swig, then throw it across the gym. For best effect, it should rocket through the other guy's squat cage, narrowly miss the guy doing 100lb dumbbell presses and hit a far wall.
Now, toss on another pair. You should have 225. This isn't enough for them? Time to throw on another pair. Now we're getting a couple looks, aren't we? Ahh... now's not the time to stop -- you're on a roll, and you're starting to get some respect, so fling on another 90. When the clamor of the weights begins to die, tell somebody nearby, "Hey you... fetch me a couple more plates." 495 on the bar... look who's talking now! You will probably even see the biggest guys in the gym looking out of the corners of their eyes, suppressing their awe. If only Yates could see you now.

Step 5: The Burn
This is a crucial step. Pick some skinny kid nearby and walk up to him, ask him quietly "can I borrow you for a moment?" Walk back to the bar, and wait for him to come near. If all goes as planned, he'll say, "Do you need a spot?" Bingo. Make sure you yell the rest of this loud enough so that everyone around you could hear: "You... spot me? HAHAHAHAHAH Muahahaha.. You couldn't spot a fly if it hit you in the eye." Immediately, pick one of the big guys and say, "Hey bro, got a sec for a quick spot?" You have boosted his ego, so chances are he'll do it. If not, then come up with a good joke about his clothing and pick somebody else (preferably not the deepsquatter).
Reach into your tupperware container of chalk, and rub it across your palms, back of shoulders and neck. Grunt every now and then and mutter some things under your breath. Occasionally say, "piece of cake", "what a joke", or "now we're cookin'". Finally, smash your hands together, but make sure there's a hefty quantity of chalk in the cup of your hands before they hit. This will make sure that all of it explodes into the air. You want the POW camp extras in the aerobics area to be struck with fear by the A-bomb cloud of chalk dust rising over the squat area. This is usually enough to bring over a couple more spectators.

Step 6: The Lift
Now that you're wrapped, chalked, belted and have an enough people watching, it's time to get on with your lift -- if you wait too long, you'll lose people's interest. Walk back up to the bar, again, slap your hands on the bar, and very quickly duck under the bar and smash your shoulders into the bar. This should make the cage rattle with all the weight. You're in position for your Lift.
Make sure your spotter is close behind you, because it's mportant that he obscures you from the crowd watching from behind. You want them to hear your lift, not see it.
When ready, stand, walk out and grunt. You will probably need about 5 grunts to keep people's interest while you're getting ready. Now, start to bend your knees, and go down a couple inches. As soon as you think you've gone far enough, start yelling. Try to roar from the bottom of your stomach, with as much force as possible. Before you start your roar, be sure to get as big a breath as possible. This will allow you to keep a sustained roar for much longer; hyperventilate if you have to. But it's not the length that counts, it's the number of times the roar changes pitch, making it sound like you're going through a series of different levels of agony. Your last note should be unpleasantly loud and should crescendo with you throwing the bar back on the pins. Assuming your yell was long enough, most people will think you came up from parallel, and the spotter should make it difficult to see.

Step 7: The Exit
Step out of the rack, and look around to see what sort of audience you managed to summon. If you've injured yourself, don't cry until you've left the gym. Leave the weight on the bar so that the next person to use it has to take it all off and realize how strong you really are. Ignore your spotter. If he starts to say something about depth, yell over the top of him, "what kind of LOUSY spot was that?" To anything he says after that, just laugh him off immediately. Exit the gym by the same route you took to get in. Do not remove your belt and remember those barrels.
With careful application of these secrets, don't be surprised if you become the new talk of the gym. If the gym tells you they don't want you back (they're usually worried about letting superstrong guys like you make others insecure), find another one. Preferably one of those hardcore ones like Jane Fonda or Bally's.

toughnuts

haha, that is a good one, ive read it before though

Gappa238

i agree

MotorcityAl

Ah, gotta love my fellow Magyars. Funny story (as long as no one got hurt).

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MotorcityAl

I train at Bally's. They have an assisted Pull-up/Dip station (where you can lighten your resistance by adding weight via counter balance). Two skinny guys, sleevless/skinny arms with Tats (gotta laugh at those) are doing pull-ups with 190# of counter weight which means if they weigh 140#, they are using a minus 50# resistance. They thought they were good until I explained the concept. I finished the conv. with "nice ink". (yes, I rolled my eyes)

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Gappa238