So yesterday was my 2 year lifting anniversary (long lol)

**skelooth** · 08-10-2006, 04:42 AM

I'm going to tell my story. I don't care if you've all heard it a million times before. I'm telling it damn it.

Genetically I've always been rather large, not just in terms of fat, but also in terms of shear size. My pops was big into weight lifting so it was naturally that I lifted on an off all of my life. My first gym membership I was 16, but I had lifted weights in my dad's dungeon weight room since I could barely walk. (I have a picture of me doing a clean when i was like 5 LOL I gotta scan that shit in).

I live a tough life, moving around a lot, state to state, met a lot of people got into a lot of trouble, etc... When I was in my mid teens I got severely depressed, and I developed some very serious social anxiety and anger management issues. For about a year I was on a stack of zoloft, lithium, and thorozine... plus whatever else they felt like giving me. I was drooling zombie.... I went from a somewhat average 185lbs to a whopping 295lbs of fat that year. The weight gain did not stop until I forcefully stopped taking those medications.

Okay, so I was fat, miserable, and somewhat out of my mind. I had multiple face piercings and rainbow colored hair. My father died. Reality smacked me in the face. I had to grow up, get a job, and make money. I wanted better for myself, I wanted not just to meet girls, but I wanted confidence, and I wanted to make my father up in heaven proud of me! So came the first round of serious weight lifting. Using my father's old weight set I would do circuit training of mostly benching, lat pull downs, machine flies, and leg extensions followed by 30 minutes of stationary bike every other day. I lost literally 100lbs.

Then I got a girlfriend, haha.... I went out with her for a little over 3 years. She LOVED to eat (she's a big girl lol...) and would always have her mom pay for dinner. My body found a happy set point of 240ish pounds. I didn't care though b/c I was happy.

When that relationship ended (for like the 5th time), I just... effortlessly started dating and hooked into another long term relationship somehow. I was probably single a total of two weeks lol. I thought she was beautiful, we got along great. While going out with her my weight typically stayed the same... I may have gained 5-10lbs max, but I was still lifting weights on and off, b/c it's always been a hobby even if I didn't know wtf I was doing lol.

Then my Grandma died, and I had to move again. Bloomberg recently got into office and rents were skyrocketing in queens, so I threw a dart at the map and moved my mother and myself upstate. But I didn't want to let go of my life behind me.... I was very serious with my girlfriend at the time and was holding a job at a print shop... I was working from home and driving down to queens (2-3 hour drive) on weekends to see her.

Apparently working from home was the death of me. I started blimping out FAST. I'd rarely go outside, I'd eat huge amounts of junk and food in general, and got 0 exercise. Before I knew it.... I was right back where I started. 295lbs but in even WORSE shape than before. I was pale and sick looking, my dick started hiding in a roll of fat, and I'd get a little bit winded just walking to the bathroom or whatever. My waist size was up to 48".... with no belt. I guess it should have been a forewarning as to what was about to happen.

August 8th, 2004, at 2pm. I was giving my girlfriend a call, we'd been talking about marriage a lot recently as funny as that is.... because almost somewhat randomly, she says,"There is someone else" and "Don't call here anymore". I was alone. My mom was out of town. I hadn't a friend or a family member for 100 miles... I was crushed, destroyed, pummeled into oblivion. 5pm, I'm wondering why my job hasn't called me to start yet. So I give a ring, and the boss says, "Sorry we just don't need you anymore".

In one day I lost my love of 2.5 years and my job of 5 years. Alone with no one around. So fat I could barely walk to the store for milk. I did not eat a bite of food for days after that... The only equipment in the house i had was a stationary bike and some dumbells, so i went to town... what else was there to blame? Other than my physical condition? How could anyone love such a disgusting fat slob? I couldn't even buy clothes in a normal store for christ's sake!!!

In the days following I went on a blitz trying to find another job. Every interview was the same. I'd waddle my fat ass in. They'd give me a great big fake ass smile, and not give me a job. I was disgusting. No one would want someone like that in their office... I also tried internet personals since I was new and didn't know anyone. I was raped of all dignity when people would stop talking to me the moment they saw my picture or saw me in person. I felt so rejected, and so unwanted.... These two things BURNED through my skin like acid... it was just more fuel to the fire when I was on that stationary bike.

During these VERY dark days I began to grow very bitter. In case you haven't seen, I still am a little bitter at society. I feel like I am judged as a person based on my physical appearance, and I have this HORRIBLE "I'm not good enough" mentality when it comes to girls, which has stopped me from really dating for 2 years now.... sure I've had one nighters here or there, but they've been far spread, and I've had no confidence to meet the girls I really want to meet.

Eventually I came upon bodybuilding.com around the same time I was hunkering down to re-enter school and go to college after being a hs drop out. PIITB was the 'hot thing to say' back then. A lot of people were dicks to me, but I learned a wealth of information. I used some of my school money to get a gym membership and a trainer. I finally learned what it means to lift weights, and I started learning what "bodybuilding" as a sport was all about.

My first semester of college I still faced utter social rejection. If I had 2 or 3 acquaintances I'd be shocked. NO ONE wanted to talk to me. Even if I'd come out and say hello. I was still around 265, pale and gross.

Second semester rolled around... I guess I was around 230-240, weight loss was getting difficult at this point... but I started making more acquaintances. I actually made female acquaintances. They weren't the best looking, but it was a start. I used to get a lot of comments about me eating chicken and salad and stuff. I used to hate that. Just cos a fat man is eating veggies he must be on a diet.... if they only knew.

That summer I did a CKD and got down to about 16% bodyfat (which seems to be my freakin sticking point).

Third semester.... I got a lot of funny ass looks. Could this really be the fat slob that no one wanted to talk to? That no one wanted to acknowledge existed? Yes, it was me mother****er. Suddenly 90% of anyone I wanted to talk to would talk to me. Acquaintances all over male and female. The school professors loved me, my classmates loved me. No one would question my eating habits anymore. I started gettin a lot of the "wow you lost a lot of weight" comments.

End of third semester I got down to 195lbs. I did it again! I lost 100lbs for the second time!!!! But that wasn't good enough. Oh hell know. I wanted to do some prohormones.....

Fourth Semester.... I would carry around a cooler full of food so I could do a proper bulk. I was a cheerleader and suddenly I found myself having all of these hot crazy girls for friends. Almost every one knew me, and either loved me or hated me. I was dedicated, determined, I had become more of a person I ever thought I would.... the "wow you lost a lot of weight" comments stopped, and people started calling me things like popeye, incredible hulk, and suddenly being called big was compliment... I liked it....

Here I am, at the end of the summer, getting ready to go to a new school all over, crash dieting so I can look my best. I want to be a bodybuilder. I want to have an amazing physique that will stand out up on stage. I don't just want perfection, I want to BE perfection... most of all, I want to be A ****ING MONSTER. Or perhaps secretly.... I want revenge through success. Perhaps my goal of bodybuilding is really a way to smite everyone who stood in my way, hurt me, or doubted me. It's my way of saying "**** you, I am ****ing amazing, I can do anything, and you are a loser for not standing by my side".

My mind is forever twisted. I still have no girlfrined, nor have I found anyone I could go out with for more than 2 weeks. I'm horribley shallow and critical of myself. I judge my value by how bloated I look that day. Lifting weights consumes me. All other things just seem to go on in the background... it's the weight lifting I'm focused on. Society has beaten me into a shadow of anything considered normal.

With that said. Two years down, and a lifetime to go. Command, Conquer, or Destroy. The world will be my oyster, or I will destroy it making it that way.

**Jayhawkk** · 08-10-2006, 04:46 AM

You're right Skel...I don't wanna hear it! So shut the hell up and get back in the kitchen and bring me my sammitch!!!!

Just kiddin man, I know how proud you must be. Especially when you look at those pics. And being part of these communities where you spend countless hours researching and sharing stories. This is also where you want to shout to the rooftops your accomplishments. You should be proud man. very proud. It took a long time and a lot of dedication to get to where you are now. Enjoy the accomplishment you deserve it.

**skelooth** · 08-10-2006, 04:50 AM

wow, you mean you read all that? lolol. I barely wanted to proof read it

~

**Jayhawkk** · 08-10-2006, 04:56 AM

Yep, i'm wired and hitting refresh on just about every damn site i'm on right now

stonecoldtruth · 08-10-2006, 04:59 AM

You should know that I read all of that, twice in fact.

You should also know that I think that you need to be more open to the positive things you have accomplished and not so critical of yourself on a day to day basis.

But most importantly, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for overcoming obstacles that most people would have faltered when faced with. I'm proud of you for having the courage to know what you want and to reach out and grab it by the balls, and I'm proud that you figured out the crowler protein butter recipe.. hehe.

SCT

**skelooth** · 08-10-2006, 05:01 AM

Quote:

and I'm proud that you figured out the crowler protein butter recipe.. hehe.

:muhaha: :eat:

08-10-2006, 04:42 AM	#1
skelooth eh heh heh Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Behind you Posts: 7,200 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 158	So yesterday was my 2 year lifting anniversary (long lol) I'm going to tell my story. I don't care if you've all heard it a million times before. I'm telling it damn it. Genetically I've always been rather large, not just in terms of fat, but also in terms of shear size. My pops was big into weight lifting so it was naturally that I lifted on an off all of my life. My first gym membership I was 16, but I had lifted weights in my dad's dungeon weight room since I could barely walk. (I have a picture of me doing a clean when i was like 5 LOL I gotta scan that shit in). I live a tough life, moving around a lot, state to state, met a lot of people got into a lot of trouble, etc... When I was in my mid teens I got severely depressed, and I developed some very serious social anxiety and anger management issues. For about a year I was on a stack of zoloft, lithium, and thorozine... plus whatever else they felt like giving me. I was drooling zombie.... I went from a somewhat average 185lbs to a whopping 295lbs of fat that year. The weight gain did not stop until I forcefully stopped taking those medications. Okay, so I was fat, miserable, and somewhat out of my mind. I had multiple face piercings and rainbow colored hair. My father died. Reality smacked me in the face. I had to grow up, get a job, and make money. I wanted better for myself, I wanted not just to meet girls, but I wanted confidence, and I wanted to make my father up in heaven proud of me! So came the first round of serious weight lifting. Using my father's old weight set I would do circuit training of mostly benching, lat pull downs, machine flies, and leg extensions followed by 30 minutes of stationary bike every other day. I lost literally 100lbs. Then I got a girlfriend, haha.... I went out with her for a little over 3 years. She LOVED to eat (she's a big girl lol...) and would always have her mom pay for dinner. My body found a happy set point of 240ish pounds. I didn't care though b/c I was happy. When that relationship ended (for like the 5th time), I just... effortlessly started dating and hooked into another long term relationship somehow. I was probably single a total of two weeks lol. I thought she was beautiful, we got along great. While going out with her my weight typically stayed the same... I may have gained 5-10lbs max, but I was still lifting weights on and off, b/c it's always been a hobby even if I didn't know wtf I was doing lol. Then my Grandma died, and I had to move again. Bloomberg recently got into office and rents were skyrocketing in queens, so I threw a dart at the map and moved my mother and myself upstate. But I didn't want to let go of my life behind me.... I was very serious with my girlfriend at the time and was holding a job at a print shop... I was working from home and driving down to queens (2-3 hour drive) on weekends to see her. Apparently working from home was the death of me. I started blimping out FAST. I'd rarely go outside, I'd eat huge amounts of junk and food in general, and got 0 exercise. Before I knew it.... I was right back where I started. 295lbs but in even WORSE shape than before. I was pale and sick looking, my dick started hiding in a roll of fat, and I'd get a little bit winded just walking to the bathroom or whatever. My waist size was up to 48".... with no belt. I guess it should have been a forewarning as to what was about to happen. August 8th, 2004, at 2pm. I was giving my girlfriend a call, we'd been talking about marriage a lot recently as funny as that is.... because almost somewhat randomly, she says,"There is someone else" and "Don't call here anymore". I was alone. My mom was out of town. I hadn't a friend or a family member for 100 miles... I was crushed, destroyed, pummeled into oblivion. 5pm, I'm wondering why my job hasn't called me to start yet. So I give a ring, and the boss says, "Sorry we just don't need you anymore". In one day I lost my love of 2.5 years and my job of 5 years. Alone with no one around. So fat I could barely walk to the store for milk. I did not eat a bite of food for days after that... The only equipment in the house i had was a stationary bike and some dumbells, so i went to town... what else was there to blame? Other than my physical condition? How could anyone love such a disgusting fat slob? I couldn't even buy clothes in a normal store for christ's sake!!! In the days following I went on a blitz trying to find another job. Every interview was the same. I'd waddle my fat ass in. They'd give me a great big fake ass smile, and not give me a job. I was disgusting. No one would want someone like that in their office... I also tried internet personals since I was new and didn't know anyone. I was raped of all dignity when people would stop talking to me the moment they saw my picture or saw me in person. I felt so rejected, and so unwanted.... These two things BURNED through my skin like acid... it was just more fuel to the fire when I was on that stationary bike. During these VERY dark days I began to grow very bitter. In case you haven't seen, I still am a little bitter at society. I feel like I am judged as a person based on my physical appearance, and I have this HORRIBLE "I'm not good enough" mentality when it comes to girls, which has stopped me from really dating for 2 years now.... sure I've had one nighters here or there, but they've been far spread, and I've had no confidence to meet the girls I really want to meet. Eventually I came upon bodybuilding.com around the same time I was hunkering down to re-enter school and go to college after being a hs drop out. PIITB was the 'hot thing to say' back then. A lot of people were dicks to me, but I learned a wealth of information. I used some of my school money to get a gym membership and a trainer. I finally learned what it means to lift weights, and I started learning what "bodybuilding" as a sport was all about. My first semester of college I still faced utter social rejection. If I had 2 or 3 acquaintances I'd be shocked. NO ONE wanted to talk to me. Even if I'd come out and say hello. I was still around 265, pale and gross. Second semester rolled around... I guess I was around 230-240, weight loss was getting difficult at this point... but I started making more acquaintances. I actually made female acquaintances. They weren't the best looking, but it was a start. I used to get a lot of comments about me eating chicken and salad and stuff. I used to hate that. Just cos a fat man is eating veggies he must be on a diet.... if they only knew. That summer I did a CKD and got down to about 16% bodyfat (which seems to be my freakin sticking point). Third semester.... I got a lot of funny ass looks. Could this really be the fat slob that no one wanted to talk to? That no one wanted to acknowledge existed? Yes, it was me mother**er. Suddenly 90% of anyone I wanted to talk to would talk to me. Acquaintances all over male and female. The school professors loved me, my classmates loved me. No one would question my eating habits anymore. I started gettin a lot of the "wow you lost a lot of weight" comments. End of third semester I got down to 195lbs. I did it again! I lost 100lbs for the second time!!!! But that wasn't good enough. Oh hell know. I wanted to do some prohormones..... Fourth Semester.... I would carry around a cooler full of food so I could do a proper bulk. I was a cheerleader and suddenly I found myself having all of these hot crazy girls for friends. Almost every one knew me, and either loved me or hated me. I was dedicated, determined, I had become more of a person I ever thought I would.... the "wow you lost a lot of weight" comments stopped, and people started calling me things like popeye, incredible hulk, and suddenly being called big was compliment... I liked it.... Here I am, at the end of the summer, getting ready to go to a new school all over, crash dieting so I can look my best. I want to be a bodybuilder. I want to have an amazing physique that will stand out up on stage. I don't just want perfection, I want to BE perfection... most of all, I want to be A ING MONSTER. Or perhaps secretly.... I want revenge through success. Perhaps my goal of bodybuilding is really a way to smite everyone who stood in my way, hurt me, or doubted me. It's my way of saying " you, I am **ing amazing, I can do anything, and you are a loser for not standing by my side". My mind is forever twisted. I still have no girlfrined, nor have I found anyone I could go out with for more than 2 weeks. I'm horribley shallow and critical of myself. I judge my value by how bloated I look that day. Lifting weights consumes me. All other things just seem to go on in the background... it's the weight lifting I'm focused on. Society has beaten me into a shadow of anything considered normal. With that said. Two years down, and a lifetime to go. Command, Conquer, or Destroy. The world will be my oyster, or I will destroy it making it that way. __________________ http://loseover100lbs.com/misc-f7.html

08-10-2006, 04:46 AM	#2
Jayhawkk Nutraplanet Rep Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,106 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 44	You're right Skel...I don't wanna hear it! So shut the hell up and get back in the kitchen and bring me my sammitch!!!! Just kiddin man, I know how proud you must be. Especially when you look at those pics. And being part of these communities where you spend countless hours researching and sharing stories. This is also where you want to shout to the rooftops your accomplishments. You should be proud man. very proud. It took a long time and a lot of dedication to get to where you are now. Enjoy the accomplishment you deserve it. __________________ Nutraplanet.com for all your supplement needs! ------------------------------ Hangin's too good for 'em! BURNIN'S too good for 'em! They should be ripped into itsy-bitsy little pieces and BURIED ALIVE!

08-10-2006, 04:50 AM	#3
skelooth eh heh heh Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Behind you Posts: 7,200 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 158	wow, you mean you read all that? lolol. I barely wanted to proof read it ~ __________________ http://loseover100lbs.com/misc-f7.html

08-10-2006, 04:56 AM	#4
Jayhawkk Nutraplanet Rep Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,106 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 44	Yep, i'm wired and hitting refresh on just about every damn site i'm on right now __________________ Nutraplanet.com for all your supplement needs! ------------------------------ Hangin's too good for 'em! BURNIN'S too good for 'em! They should be ripped into itsy-bitsy little pieces and BURIED ALIVE!

08-10-2006, 04:59 AM	#5
stonecoldtruth IMPC Contestant Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Sioux Falls, SD Posts: 535 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 12	You should know that I read all of that, twice in fact. You should also know that I think that you need to be more open to the positive things you have accomplished and not so critical of yourself on a day to day basis. But most importantly, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for overcoming obstacles that most people would have faltered when faced with. I'm proud of you for having the courage to know what you want and to reach out and grab it by the balls, and I'm proud that you figured out the crowler protein butter recipe.. hehe. SCT __________________ Designer Supplements Board Representative www.intelligentdesignmag.com www.designersupps.com josh@designersupps.com To my fellow MIP competitors :bringiton:

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