Hi, I'm skelooth, and I'm a liftoholic. A confession.

**skelooth** · 06-22-2006, 12:39 AM

I'm not exercising today for the first time in close to three weeks. I feel horrible about, but I'm so burnt out physically and mentally that I know it's the right thing to do. Every day for the past three weeks I have either done some form of cardio or weight lifting. I even work in a gym now. Everytime I eat a meal I'm worried that I'm over eating, and everytime I eat I feel like I have a responsibility to exercise off the calories. My tunnel vision is focused on being in great shape, and despite knowing better, I subconciously think it will make all of my life's problems go away.

I have not been keeping a food log, so I have been really confused about the amounts of foods I'm eating. I honestly think I'm eating too much despite continually losing weight on the scale. Everytime I eat I'm upset that I've eaten more than I should have and that I will be fat forever.

There is a little voice in my head even now that is telling me to go do cardio.

There is another little voice in my head telling me to start using another cycle of clen.

There is still another little voice in my head that says no one will ever like me unless I'm shredded.

Another voice in my head keeps reminding me that I have to go move into a dorm next september, and that I will be unable to continue my current diet plan, and I will no longer be able to use DDR for cardio.... not to mention that first impressions are powerful, and I want to look my best for the occasion.

One of my typical days is school from 9am to 2pm, then flying home and getting to the gym to lift so that I can be back at the school by 4pm, not leaving until 9:30.

My life has revolved around 'unwaivering dedication to weightlifting' for 22 months and 13 days.

It has improved my life dramatically in an incredible number of ways, but never solved the problems I was hoping it would. My best friend has become the steel. My obsession of my diet makes me unagreeable and hard to deal with if you're the average person. I'm left feeling empty and rejected inside when those are the exact things I was trying to get rid of. I love the respect I do get for my size. I love the comments and the looks I get from people. But I still lack the social bonding on any level. I've been convinced through conditioning that i'm socially unnacceptable aesthetically and that my only hope to find any form of companionship whether platonic or sexual is by having a nice body.

Has weight lifting saved my life? Or has it ruined it? When will I find my salvation? Will I ever attain the respectable physique I've been gunning at for so long? With endomorphic genetics and loose skin.... will I ever have an attractive naked body? Will I ever be able to compete? Will I ever be able to be truely shredded?

The progress and the gains always come at a continually slower pace. I try to kick it up a notch and end up burnt out and over trained.

I am skelooth, and I am a liftoholic...

**skelooth** · 06-22-2006, 12:42 AM

and yes, it felt good to get that off my chest.

I think I've gone and over trained + under fed myself for the zillionth time

I was reading an article that fish oil and folate combined can help with mood. Hmmmmm

DJohnson · 06-22-2006, 01:17 AM

Competition shape is just a matter a time.

As far as getting shredded fixing all your lifes problems? I think that too, and although I know it's not true, I use it just to push me harder.

And are you telling me the University of Albany doesn't have a gym on campus?? That can't be right! I think that's where you said you were going.

**skelooth** · 06-22-2006, 01:25 AM

You bet they have a gym! I chose the dorm hall that has a gym with free weights on the lower level LOL.... I've based my entire school selection on availability of gym equipment, that's how sick in the head I am.

The problems are that the dumbells only go up to 75, and I am going to be trapped getting the majority of my food on campus. The plus side is that one meal swipe is all you can eat.....

I'm scared I'm going to put the freshmen 15.... and my sick brain thinks no one will like me because I don't look like vin diesel. I must be reliving some sort of social tragedy from when I was younger or something.

**romanaz** · 06-22-2006, 01:39 AM

I'm starting to get that way, lifting instead of homework, but I'm not to the diet part of addiction yet. Don't worry, youll get over it!!

**krzna** · 06-22-2006, 01:39 AM

bro this is what i've learnt...
i used to lift weights like a mofo...say F injury ... but it never got me anywhere. I am saner now, spend more time thinkin about what to eat next and how much rest I should be getting, cuz by then I am well pumped and properly energised to work out.

The actual workout is only like 40% but the prepping up involves everything else. The body and the mind. No point not eating tight or being tired and tryin to give 100% at the gym. Its all abt mind-body co-ordination.

**madman911** · 06-22-2006, 02:52 AM

Bro it comes down to this, the people who accomplish great things are never satisfied, they can never just sit back and relax. If you aren't driven crazy by what you are passionate about, you are not destined to achieve anything noteworthy. The bad thing is, you will never know peace... never look at yourself and feel 100% satisfied. You will always see yourself as failing in some way no matter what... it can make you nuts. I constantly find myself thinking... if I just achieve "X" I will know some level of peace and happiness, my life will be much better. Obviously, it just doesn't work that way... it's always out of reach whether it feels like a foot or a million miles. This is not just true with physical goals, but with everything in life. If you ever reach true satisfaction and happiness, say goodbye to overachieving and hello to being average. Everyone in my life thinks I'm going overboard with the amount of time I'm spending at the gym (about 2-2.5 hours a day total, 6days a week; I hit every bodypart 2X a week; cardio every am mon-fri) and I eat the same boring things every day mon-fri just so I won't have to count calories. I don't care if I look nuts to others or even myself, I have a goal in mind and I will be damned if I'm going to fail from lack of effort.

**skelooth** · 06-22-2006, 03:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madman911

Bro it comes down to this, the people who accomplish great things are never satisfied, they can never just sit back and relax. If you aren't driven crazy by what you are passionate about, you are not destined to achieve anything noteworthy. The bad thing is, you will never know peace... never look at yourself and feel 100% satisfied. You will always see yourself as failing in some way no matter what... it can make you nuts. I constantly find myself thinking... if I just achieve "X" I will know some level of peace and happiness, my life will be much better. Obviously, it just doesn't work that way... it's always out of reach whether it feels like a foot or a million miles. This is not just true with physical goals, but with everything in life. If you ever reach true satisfaction and happiness, say goodbye to overachieving and hello to being average. Everyone in my life thinks I'm going overboard with the amount of time I'm spending at the gym (about 2-2.5 hours a day total, 6days a week; I hit every bodypart 2X a week; cardio every am mon-fri) and I eat the same boring things every day mon-fri just so I won't have to count calories. I don't care if I look nuts to others or even myself, I have a goal in mind and I will be damned if I'm going to fail from lack of effort.

I love that reasoning

It sounds like you're pretty much just as bad as me only without the negative aspects of self loathing over physical appearance... or at least out of what you shared

I don't think my obsession is a terribley bad thing. It's got good to go along with the bad, and it really does spawn a dedication unseen by many people in their entire lives. I love how you liken it to shooting for something greater rather than settling for average. You're absolutely right. I don't just want a great body to 'fit in with the rest of the himbos'... no, I want a supra-physique that makes people look twice in disbelief. Muscles and a vibrance of health that out radiates all common men around me. I want the dedication and work I put into it to shoot out of me like rays of light.

And to be honest.... sometimes I forget why. As if I really knew. I just know it's something I have to do for myself. It's like licking the bar of soap in the bathroom when I was 11 yrs old... I don't know why in the world I wanted to... but I felt I had to, and could not be comfortable with myself until I did it. Hopefully the flavor of attaining my fitness goals will taste much better

**EME** · 06-22-2006, 05:44 AM

Skel,

Achieving your ideal body not only won't solve all your problems, it won't solve any of them... neither will achieving fame, or fortune, or success with the opposite sex.

There are many, many people with beautiful faces and bodies with HUGE problems. There are also many average to downright unattractive people who live very happy lives.

There is nothing wrong with being driven to succeed. I am driven to succeed, and I refuse to let anything get in the way of my goals.

Yet, I don't base my opinion of my life, or who I am as a person on how far up the ladder I have gone.

I rejoice in the fact that I am able to pursue this journey and that reaching my goals is a real possibility.

Instead of dwelling on what I don't have, or I haven't achieved, I think of what I have achieved already and how much better today is than yesterday was.... and the fact that the future holds endless possibilities.

Rather than getting up each day and worrying about how bad things are.. I think of how much better I can make them.

You are in control of your life. You are in control of your attitude. You are in control of what happens to you.

You can either sit around and say " Why Me" or you can look around at others and say, "But for the Grace of God, there go I"

Life is what you make it bro..... stop obsessing and start realizing that you are lucky to be able to even have these things to worry about and lucky to be living the life that you are living.

Get up tomorrow and be thankful that you GET to do the things you GET to do... and start making your life into what you want it to be.

You are in control.

- EME

**skelooth** · 06-22-2006, 05:51 AM

You are always so level headed and positive EME :p

I was really just venting. I'm feeling very worn down (and am missing sleep now b/c of a gigantic bug in my room hah). Believe it or not I am incredibley grateful for everything I have and how far I've come. I thank God for all that I have and his continued blessings of health shelter and food every night before dinner.

I really have a tendancy to over train, and I'm thinking it might be playing a part in slow progress :p

Vegeto · 06-22-2006, 06:41 AM

The moment I realized that being big and strong wont make me happy and make my problems go away was the moment I set NEW goals that includes what DOES make me happy into my training.

For example, if it is becoming closer to God that makes you happy... then make that a part of your training 'importances'.

Right now you may have-

Diet
Exercise
Sleep

in order to achieve your physique.

On a larger scale, you may also have

you physique and
Financial goals
social goals

to achieve your lifestyle.
On a larger scale than that, you may find something like-

Physical (earthly-lifestyle..)
Mental (psychological, piece of mind, meditation...)
Spiritual (church-meditation/prayer, faith...)

To achieve your overal state of being

Beyond that you may even have another set of subsections for an even more foundational catagory (faith) maybe like this-

Father
Son
Holy spirit

Or something like that.

Point is, maybe you need to examine what makes you happy, and then set up a new system that incorperates that synergistically into your training. It might even take years to come up with something that works. Think of when you learned that squats and other full body compound exercises work better than little segmented exercises.. (you learned that, yes?) ...Well now you need a more 'compound' 'full being' system instead of segmented bits and pieces. Think about it, or not. If you do go this way, remember that you are not alone, because I am facing the same things. This is just what little information about it I have to offer.

Vegeto · 06-22-2006, 06:46 AM

Yes, I realize that maybe I tried to go a little too deep into things. Most people may just say something like- 'you need a more ballanced lifestyle'.

I'm working on this stuff too, so don't think I'm trying to claim myself as an authority on the subject... just trying to help with what little I can offer.

P.S.
:dman:

**madman911** · 06-22-2006, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skelooth

I love that reasoning

It sounds like you're pretty much just as bad as me only without the negative aspects of self loathing over physical appearance... or at least out of what you shared

Self-loathing is something I've dealt with since I can remember. A lot of people would blame their parents, God knows I grew up in a dysfunctional household where I was given all the respect and amenities one would provide a not especially well-liked family pet, but I honestly I think I was just born with an imbalance of some kind. Anyway, I could have let it drag me down and then I'd likely be a loser who accomplishes nothing, but instead I've let my desire to gain self-acceptance drive me to achieve some pretty cool things in my 32 years... next stop, competitive bodybuilding.

builtbeast · 06-23-2006, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EME

Life is what you make it bro..... stop obsessing and start realizing that you are lucky to be able to even have these things to worry about and lucky to be living the life that you are living.

Get up tomorrow and be thankful that you GET to do the things you GET to do... and start making your life into what you want it to be.

You are in control.

- EME

Good post Michael.

06-22-2006, 12:39 AM	#1
skelooth eh heh heh Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Behind you Posts: 7,205 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 158	Hi, I'm skelooth, and I'm a liftoholic. A confession. I'm not exercising today for the first time in close to three weeks. I feel horrible about, but I'm so burnt out physically and mentally that I know it's the right thing to do. Every day for the past three weeks I have either done some form of cardio or weight lifting. I even work in a gym now. Everytime I eat a meal I'm worried that I'm over eating, and everytime I eat I feel like I have a responsibility to exercise off the calories. My tunnel vision is focused on being in great shape, and despite knowing better, I subconciously think it will make all of my life's problems go away. I have not been keeping a food log, so I have been really confused about the amounts of foods I'm eating. I honestly think I'm eating too much despite continually losing weight on the scale. Everytime I eat I'm upset that I've eaten more than I should have and that I will be fat forever. There is a little voice in my head even now that is telling me to go do cardio. There is another little voice in my head telling me to start using another cycle of clen. There is still another little voice in my head that says no one will ever like me unless I'm shredded. Another voice in my head keeps reminding me that I have to go move into a dorm next september, and that I will be unable to continue my current diet plan, and I will no longer be able to use DDR for cardio.... not to mention that first impressions are powerful, and I want to look my best for the occasion. One of my typical days is school from 9am to 2pm, then flying home and getting to the gym to lift so that I can be back at the school by 4pm, not leaving until 9:30. My life has revolved around 'unwaivering dedication to weightlifting' for 22 months and 13 days. It has improved my life dramatically in an incredible number of ways, but never solved the problems I was hoping it would. My best friend has become the steel. My obsession of my diet makes me unagreeable and hard to deal with if you're the average person. I'm left feeling empty and rejected inside when those are the exact things I was trying to get rid of. I love the respect I do get for my size. I love the comments and the looks I get from people. But I still lack the social bonding on any level. I've been convinced through conditioning that i'm socially unnacceptable aesthetically and that my only hope to find any form of companionship whether platonic or sexual is by having a nice body. Has weight lifting saved my life? Or has it ruined it? When will I find my salvation? Will I ever attain the respectable physique I've been gunning at for so long? With endomorphic genetics and loose skin.... will I ever have an attractive naked body? Will I ever be able to compete? Will I ever be able to be truely shredded? The progress and the gains always come at a continually slower pace. I try to kick it up a notch and end up burnt out and over trained. I am skelooth, and I am a liftoholic... __________________ R I P

06-22-2006, 12:42 AM	#2
skelooth eh heh heh Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Behind you Posts: 7,205 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 158	and yes, it felt good to get that off my chest. I think I've gone and over trained + under fed myself for the zillionth time I was reading an article that fish oil and folate combined can help with mood. Hmmmmm __________________ R I P

06-22-2006, 01:17 AM	#3
DJohnson IMPC Contestant Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Alberta, Canada Posts: 1,069 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 50	Competition shape is just a matter a time. As far as getting shredded fixing all your lifes problems? I think that too, and although I know it's not true, I use it just to push me harder. And are you telling me the University of Albany doesn't have a gym on campus?? That can't be right! I think that's where you said you were going. __________________ Age: 21 Height: 5'10.5" Mar, 2001: 135lbs @ ~14% Nov, 2004: 245lbs @ ~40% Feb, 2006: 188lbs @ 20.1% - Hydrostatic Tested Dec, 2006: 168lbs @ 5.5% - 7 Point Caliper Tested BULKING FOR A LONG TIME NOW Long Term Goal: Over 200lbs @ 8%

06-22-2006, 01:25 AM	#4
skelooth eh heh heh Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Behind you Posts: 7,205 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 158	You bet they have a gym! I chose the dorm hall that has a gym with free weights on the lower level LOL.... I've based my entire school selection on availability of gym equipment, that's how sick in the head I am. The problems are that the dumbells only go up to 75, and I am going to be trapped getting the majority of my food on campus. The plus side is that one meal swipe is all you can eat..... I'm scared I'm going to put the freshmen 15.... and my sick brain thinks no one will like me because I don't look like vin diesel. I must be reliving some sort of social tragedy from when I was younger or something. __________________ R I P

06-22-2006, 01:39 AM	#6
krzna Dogg Crappin Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Olangapo-Zambales,Philipines Posts: 1,631 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 51	bro this is what i've learnt... i used to lift weights like a mofo...say F injury ... but it never got me anywhere. I am saner now, spend more time thinkin about what to eat next and how much rest I should be getting, cuz by then I am well pumped and properly energised to work out. The actual workout is only like 40% but the prepping up involves everything else. The body and the mind. No point not eating tight or being tired and tryin to give 100% at the gym. Its all abt mind-body co-ordination. __________________ *DIET DEDICATION DP** www.surpassgenetics.com www.offshorebodybuilding.com www.thevipboard.com Team Beast Breeder colossus@beastbreeder.com

06-22-2006, 02:52 AM	#7
madman911 Metamorphosizing Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Boston Area Posts: 1,543 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 62	Bro it comes down to this, the people who accomplish great things are never satisfied, they can never just sit back and relax. If you aren't driven crazy by what you are passionate about, you are not destined to achieve anything noteworthy. The bad thing is, you will never know peace... never look at yourself and feel 100% satisfied. You will always see yourself as failing in some way no matter what... it can make you nuts. I constantly find myself thinking... if I just achieve "X" I will know some level of peace and happiness, my life will be much better. Obviously, it just doesn't work that way... it's always out of reach whether it feels like a foot or a million miles. This is not just true with physical goals, but with everything in life. If you ever reach true satisfaction and happiness, say goodbye to overachieving and hello to being average. Everyone in my life thinks I'm going overboard with the amount of time I'm spending at the gym (about 2-2.5 hours a day total, 6days a week; I hit every bodypart 2X a week; cardio every am mon-fri) and I eat the same boring things every day mon-fri just so I won't have to count calories. I don't care if I look nuts to others or even myself, I have a goal in mind and I will be damned if I'm going to fail from lack of effort. __________________ Millennium Sport Technologies Sponsored Athlete http://www.millenniumsport.net IMPC 2006 Novice Division Champ IMPC 2007 Open Division Champ Never underestimate the power of the bandana.

06-22-2006, 05:44 AM	#9
EME Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 3,265 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 51	Skel, Achieving your ideal body not only won't solve all your problems, it won't solve any of them... neither will achieving fame, or fortune, or success with the opposite sex. There are many, many people with beautiful faces and bodies with HUGE problems. There are also many average to downright unattractive people who live very happy lives. There is nothing wrong with being driven to succeed. I am driven to succeed, and I refuse to let anything get in the way of my goals. Yet, I don't base my opinion of my life, or who I am as a person on how far up the ladder I have gone. I rejoice in the fact that I am able to pursue this journey and that reaching my goals is a real possibility. Instead of dwelling on what I don't have, or I haven't achieved, I think of what I have achieved already and how much better today is than yesterday was.... and the fact that the future holds endless possibilities. Rather than getting up each day and worrying about how bad things are.. I think of how much better I can make them. You are in control of your life. You are in control of your attitude. You are in control of what happens to you. You can either sit around and say " Why Me" or you can look around at others and say, "But for the Grace of God, there go I" Life is what you make it bro..... stop obsessing and start realizing that you are lucky to be able to even have these things to worry about and lucky to be living the life that you are living. Get up tomorrow and be thankful that you GET to do the things you GET to do... and start making your life into what you want it to be. You are in control. - EME __________________ PhysiqueFXonline - Online Nutrition and Training with Michael and Kendra Elias: www.MichaelandKendra.com Team Molecular Nutrition Creative Director FAME Media Group / World Natural Sports Organization Editor-In-Chief FAME Magazine www.FAMEWorldTour.com

06-22-2006, 05:51 AM	#10
skelooth eh heh heh Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Behind you Posts: 7,205 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 158	You are always so level headed and positive EME :p I was really just venting. I'm feeling very worn down (and am missing sleep now b/c of a gigantic bug in my room hah). Believe it or not I am incredibley grateful for everything I have and how far I've come. I thank God for all that I have and his continued blessings of health shelter and food every night before dinner. I really have a tendancy to over train, and I'm thinking it might be playing a part in slow progress :p __________________ R I P

06-22-2006, 06:41 AM	#11
Vegeto blameless sinner Join Date: May 2005 Location: Minnesota Posts: 803 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 15	The moment I realized that being big and strong wont make me happy and make my problems go away was the moment I set NEW goals that includes what DOES make me happy into my training. For example, if it is becoming closer to God that makes you happy... then make that a part of your training 'importances'. Right now you may have- Diet Exercise Sleep in order to achieve your physique. On a larger scale, you may also have you physique and Financial goals social goals to achieve your lifestyle. On a larger scale than that, you may find something like- Physical (earthly-lifestyle..) Mental (psychological, piece of mind, meditation...) Spiritual (church-meditation/prayer, faith...) To achieve your overal state of being Beyond that you may even have another set of subsections for an even more foundational catagory (faith) maybe like this- Father Son Holy spirit Or something like that. Point is, maybe you need to examine what makes you happy, and then set up a new system that incorperates that synergistically into your training. It might even take years to come up with something that works. Think of when you learned that squats and other full body compound exercises work better than little segmented exercises.. (you learned that, yes?) ...Well now you need a more 'compound' 'full being' system instead of segmented bits and pieces. Think about it, or not. If you do go this way, remember that you are not alone, because I am facing the same things. This is just what little information about it I have to offer. __________________ ______________ ________________ ......Busy Training...... __________________ ________________ __________________

06-22-2006, 06:46 AM	#12
Vegeto blameless sinner Join Date: May 2005 Location: Minnesota Posts: 803 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 15	Yes, I realize that maybe I tried to go a little too deep into things. Most people may just say something like- 'you need a more ballanced lifestyle'. I'm working on this stuff too, so don't think I'm trying to claim myself as an authority on the subject... just trying to help with what little I can offer. P.S. :dman: __________________ ______________ ________________ ......Busy Training...... __________________ ________________ __________________

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