FEAR???

97muscle · 06-21-2006, 09:44 PM

What are you affraid of?

I am affraid of not being a good father when I have children.

**krzna** · 06-21-2006, 09:52 PM

am afraid of losing the cutie in my avy ... cuz am a dick all the time ... shez the only thing in life i care about reallly, nuthin else.

97muscle · 06-21-2006, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by krzna

am afraid of losing the cutie in my avy ... cuz am a dick all the time ... shez the only thing in life i care about reallly, nuthin else.

I can relate. I lost a 4 year relationship because of that. Just remember that you hurt worse the ones you love. Life is to short to be upset all the time

**davtown** · 06-21-2006, 10:37 PM

Fear often, but not always, stems from insecurities. When I was entering my freshman year of high school I often had fears like this such as, "what if I'm not goodlooking?", "what if I never understand the art of conversation", "what if this, what if that?" Granted I conquered all of those fears, but you'll notice that they're all "What if?" questions. While these fears are the most common, they are also the easiest to cure. First you must get down to the root of the problem. Your fear could be rephrased as, "what if I'm not a good father when I have children?" You must ask yourself questions about this and get to the root of your problem, almost like having a full fledged debate in your head. Ask yourself, "why do I think that?" I don't know you and I don't want to make any judgements, but hypothetically let's say it was because your parents weren't good parents. Once again, this is a big IF, I'm not trying to accuse anything, this is merely for demonstration purposes. If your parents didn't do a great job, perhaps you think this will carry over to you. Dig deeper. What did your parents do that you didn't approve of and how can you act differently? Did they argue a lot in front of you? Make an effort to be mature in the face of disagreement. Were they not around enough? Make an effort to spend some time with your kids, however hectic your schedule is (aka don't let the TV be the babysitter). This could go on for a while, but you see the point.

Understand the problem and the solution will come. If you think "What if....?" ask yourself, "Why?" Take that answer and dissect it a million times over and use common sense to realize why your fears are not "valid" so to say, or rather, realizing how simple it is to overcome a "What if?" fear. You also should take pre-emptive action to eliminate fear (not always applicable but it is in your case). Proper preperation makes for better performance. You say that you don't have kids yet, which means you have plenty of time to make sure you don't end up a bad parent. This means taking child development classes at your local community college, or talking to friends who you think have done a good job of raising kids and asking them for their opinions (this one is a great resource as you can use it your whole life - when your kid is 3 and does ______, ask your friend what he/she did when their kid was 3 and did _______). Proper preperation makes for better performance.

Finally you must tell yourself that your fear is invalid. This is the final step to conquering a fear. By thinking that you may be a bad parent, you are already setting yourself up to do so and perpetuating the fear even further, even worse, making it true when it doesn't need to be! As my main man Henry Ford said, "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right." Tell yourself that there's no WAY that you will be a bad parent, tell yourself that you WILL BE the best parent ever! Say it out loud, walk down the street and say it yourself in a loud, booming voice. "I WILL be the best parent ever!" Turn to a stranger on the street and let them know, and if they ask if you have kids, say "no, but they'll be glad I'm their dad when they get here!" Believe it to be true and you will have no problem suceeding. Trust yourself, always trust yourself, if you ever doubt yourself in anything, that's the first step to failure.

I may only be 19 years old, but I think I have done a good job so far of ridding myself of pointless fears. But since this thread is asking what my fears are, I'll fill you in. One big fear I used to have was that I'd never find a girl who I could trust to be faithful and respect me as much as I respected her. I constantly witnessed the relationships of my friends fall apart due to people cheating, and I still witness it happening. This was a tricky fear because it's something that I can't really control, but I figured there was no point in giving up before I even got started. 5 months ago I met a girl who vanquished that fear immediately, needless to say she's now my girlfriend. I just checked the thread in the middle of typing this and saw that there have been some replies this can relate to. K, if you can acknowledge that you're a dick, then that's the first step to change. Reading your post, you clearly want to change since losing your lady would be earth shattering. This is precisely why I give my all to be a "perfect" boyfriend so to say. That is, call when you say you will, if you're going to be late call ahead, tell her you love her everday (only if you really mean it, if you don't then why are you with her? I know you do, just saying), give random kisses, be polite, admit when you're wrong, etc. etc., there's a lot to it, but it takes work. Yes it's hard, but as it saying goes, "if it wasn't hard, then it wouldn't be worth doing!" I never want to lose my girlfriend, so I'm making a supreme effort to make her feel more loved than she ever has in her life and truly be her "knight in shining armor". You can do the same, Krzna, it's just a matter of how bad do you want it. From your post you want it more than anything, so get to working. Self improvement sometimes means adapting yourself to make your partner happier so that both of you can enjoy the relationship. I kinda feel like I'm rambling now

but if you have any questions, don't hesitate to PM me. That offer goes to anyone, not just Krzna

My current fear is that I will sustain in injury that will prevent me from playing guitar and/or piano. This is not something I have complete control of, however if I acknowledge the basis of my fear, then I can begin to work to overcome it. I've made it a point to be cognizant of the condition of my wrists and rest if I need to. This is an odd fear because I may get hit by a drunk driver one day and break both my arms, but honestly, since I have no control over that, then it doesn't worry me at all. I just go on with my everday life and live everyday happier than the day before. Everyday happier than the day before. Everyday happier than the day before.

OK! I think I'm done.... for now. I'll post more as I see fit

97muscle · 06-21-2006, 10:49 PM

That was alot of info, but it was great. My fear definitely stems from my past and the fact that at age 14 my parents gave me the option of either living in a very abusive situation or leaving. I chose the later and lived on the streets until my senior year in high school when I moved in with my grandparents, to whom I owe everything. They pointed me in the right direction and I am trying to stay the course so that I will be the best husband and father to my family.

**romanaz** · 06-22-2006, 12:13 AM

davtown, very good post!

my one fear right now is being lonely and never truly finding someone, which is something I've been trying to work on for the last year, but something always screws with it and I lose whatever chances I have. Still a work in progress!

CDB · 06-22-2006, 02:28 AM

"It is a pity we should so deceive ourselves with our own foolish devices and apish inventions; as children will be afeard of their fellow's visage, which themselves have besmeared and blacked."
Montaigne

"Burnt child fire dredth."
John Heywood

"Are you afraid of the dark?"
"That depends on the dark..."
Shawn Dupree and Al Connel

06-21-2006, 09:44 PM	#1
97muscle Pro Stature Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 165 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 4	FEAR??? What are you affraid of? I am affraid of not being a good father when I have children. __________________ "One's success is determined only by his/her effort and willingness to get back up when they fall." 97muscle 12 Week Transformation: www.anabolicbeast.com For "PERSONALIZED" Personal Training visit: www.MichaelElias.com www.KendraElias.com Proud Supporter of ALRI: www.alrindustries.com/index.html

06-21-2006, 09:52 PM	#2
krzna Dogg Crappin Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Olangapo-Zambales,Philipines Posts: 1,632 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 51	am afraid of losing the cutie in my avy ... cuz am a dick all the time ... shez the only thing in life i care about reallly, nuthin else. __________________ *DIET DEDICATION DP** www.surpassgenetics.com www.offshorebodybuilding.com www.thevipboard.com Team Beast Breeder colossus@beastbreeder.com

06-21-2006, 10:37 PM	#4
davtown OM NOM NOM NOM Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: San Francisco Posts: 2,360 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 129	Fear often, but not always, stems from insecurities. When I was entering my freshman year of high school I often had fears like this such as, "what if I'm not goodlooking?", "what if I never understand the art of conversation", "what if this, what if that?" Granted I conquered all of those fears, but you'll notice that they're all "What if?" questions. While these fears are the most common, they are also the easiest to cure. First you must get down to the root of the problem. Your fear could be rephrased as, "what if I'm not a good father when I have children?" You must ask yourself questions about this and get to the root of your problem, almost like having a full fledged debate in your head. Ask yourself, "why do I think that?" I don't know you and I don't want to make any judgements, but hypothetically let's say it was because your parents weren't good parents. Once again, this is a big IF, I'm not trying to accuse anything, this is merely for demonstration purposes. If your parents didn't do a great job, perhaps you think this will carry over to you. Dig deeper. What did your parents do that you didn't approve of and how can you act differently? Did they argue a lot in front of you? Make an effort to be mature in the face of disagreement. Were they not around enough? Make an effort to spend some time with your kids, however hectic your schedule is (aka don't let the TV be the babysitter). This could go on for a while, but you see the point. Understand the problem and the solution will come. If you think "What if....?" ask yourself, "Why?" Take that answer and dissect it a million times over and use common sense to realize why your fears are not "valid" so to say, or rather, realizing how simple it is to overcome a "What if?" fear. You also should take pre-emptive action to eliminate fear (not always applicable but it is in your case). Proper preperation makes for better performance. You say that you don't have kids yet, which means you have plenty of time to make sure you don't end up a bad parent. This means taking child development classes at your local community college, or talking to friends who you think have done a good job of raising kids and asking them for their opinions (this one is a great resource as you can use it your whole life - when your kid is 3 and does ______, ask your friend what he/she did when their kid was 3 and did _______). Proper preperation makes for better performance. Finally you must tell yourself that your fear is invalid. This is the final step to conquering a fear. By thinking that you may be a bad parent, you are already setting yourself up to do so and perpetuating the fear even further, even worse, making it true when it doesn't need to be! As my main man Henry Ford said, "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right." Tell yourself that there's no WAY that you will be a bad parent, tell yourself that you WILL BE the best parent ever! Say it out loud, walk down the street and say it yourself in a loud, booming voice. "I WILL be the best parent ever!" Turn to a stranger on the street and let them know, and if they ask if you have kids, say "no, but they'll be glad I'm their dad when they get here!" Believe it to be true and you will have no problem suceeding. Trust yourself, always trust yourself, if you ever doubt yourself in anything, that's the first step to failure. I may only be 19 years old, but I think I have done a good job so far of ridding myself of pointless fears. But since this thread is asking what my fears are, I'll fill you in. One big fear I used to have was that I'd never find a girl who I could trust to be faithful and respect me as much as I respected her. I constantly witnessed the relationships of my friends fall apart due to people cheating, and I still witness it happening. This was a tricky fear because it's something that I can't really control, but I figured there was no point in giving up before I even got started. 5 months ago I met a girl who vanquished that fear immediately, needless to say she's now my girlfriend. I just checked the thread in the middle of typing this and saw that there have been some replies this can relate to. K, if you can acknowledge that you're a dick, then that's the first step to change. Reading your post, you clearly want to change since losing your lady would be earth shattering. This is precisely why I give my all to be a "perfect" boyfriend so to say. That is, call when you say you will, if you're going to be late call ahead, tell her you love her everday (only if you really mean it, if you don't then why are you with her? I know you do, just saying), give random kisses, be polite, admit when you're wrong, etc. etc., there's a lot to it, but it takes work. Yes it's hard, but as it saying goes, "if it wasn't hard, then it wouldn't be worth doing!" I never want to lose my girlfriend, so I'm making a supreme effort to make her feel more loved than she ever has in her life and truly be her "knight in shining armor". You can do the same, Krzna, it's just a matter of how bad do you want it. From your post you want it more than anything, so get to working. Self improvement sometimes means adapting yourself to make your partner happier so that both of you can enjoy the relationship. I kinda feel like I'm rambling now but if you have any questions, don't hesitate to PM me. That offer goes to anyone, not just Krzna My current fear is that I will sustain in injury that will prevent me from playing guitar and/or piano. This is not something I have complete control of, however if I acknowledge the basis of my fear, then I can begin to work to overcome it. I've made it a point to be cognizant of the condition of my wrists and rest if I need to. This is an odd fear because I may get hit by a drunk driver one day and break both my arms, but honestly, since I have no control over that, then it doesn't worry me at all. I just go on with my everday life and live everyday happier than the day before. Everyday happier than the day before. Everyday happier than the day before. OK! I think I'm done.... for now. I'll post more as I see fit __________________ --Training Journal-- current/goal D: 350/380 S: 280/300 B: 235/260

06-21-2006, 10:49 PM	#5
97muscle Pro Stature Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 165 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 4	That was alot of info, but it was great. My fear definitely stems from my past and the fact that at age 14 my parents gave me the option of either living in a very abusive situation or leaving. I chose the later and lived on the streets until my senior year in high school when I moved in with my grandparents, to whom I owe everything. They pointed me in the right direction and I am trying to stay the course so that I will be the best husband and father to my family. __________________ "One's success is determined only by his/her effort and willingness to get back up when they fall." 97muscle 12 Week Transformation: www.anabolicbeast.com For "PERSONALIZED" Personal Training visit: www.MichaelElias.com www.KendraElias.com Proud Supporter of ALRI: www.alrindustries.com/index.html

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06-22-2006, 02:28 AM	#7
CDB Amateur Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 41 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 0	"It is a pity we should so deceive ourselves with our own foolish devices and apish inventions; as children will be afeard of their fellow's visage, which themselves have besmeared and blacked." Montaigne "Burnt child fire dredth." John Heywood "Are you afraid of the dark?" "That depends on the dark..." Shawn Dupree and Al Connel