Christ, Was That You?

**BobThePotato** · 04-27-2006, 01:12 AM

Just a little something I pulled from bbing.com that I found amusing.

Christ, Was That You?

If you've spent any time at all around a good-sized bodybuilder, you're quickly going to realise that these guys have serious issues with gas. Unfortunately, the same dietary practices that allow us to pack on the muscle also cause the wildlife that inhabit intestinal tracts to produce inordinate amounts of methane. As a result, most bodybuilders spend a significant amount of time trying to fart in public without getting caught. Anytime you get a large group of bodybuilders together, you'd better have a good ventilation system. Any of you who've attended the expos at the Mr Olympia or Arnold's Classic will know what I mean. If it weren't for the massive difference in muscularity, you wouldn't know if you were at a bodybuilding show or an all day chili cook-off. You're constantly walking through man-sized fart bubbles of varying toxicity.

There's a certain pride associated with a good, sweaty, manly fart, the kind that can immediately clear a room. One of the important principles you'll need to master as your flatulence grows in direct correlation to your body weight is the subtle art of never being around to take the blame when the general public is hit with the goods. This requires some planning on your part, as you can't just rip one at the beginning of your drop-set on bench and hope no one is going to point the finger at you. You'll generally have plenty of warning as one of these monsters goes through its build up phase and know when its time to take appropriate action. You can employ several techniques here, but all involve moving to an area of the gym you won't soon need to occupy for any reason and releasing your noxious payload. This can be done discreetly in an unoccupied corner of the gym, although doing so wastes any of the fart's knockout potential.

The best course of action allows you to ease your burden and remain blame-free, while allowing others to share in your fragrant emanations. My philosophy is that if God didn't want others to smell our farts, he wouldn't have made them stink, right? Once you feel you're ready to release your cargo, saunter over to a crowded section of the gym. Maybe you're looking for that damn triceps handle, or maybe you're just making your way through the crowd to say hi to an old friend. Whatever your ruse may be, it's important that you release while on the move. Standing in one spot will make identifying you as the culprit a far easier task than if you release the gas piecemeal on your trek through the gym. Be sure you've thoroughly unloaded every bit of gas before you make your way back to your own workout area, as a really good fart has a tendency to follow you if given a chance. If done correctly, you'll escape detection and get to enjoy the fruits of your labours as you watch innocent gym members glare at each other as they quickly move to find fresh air.

armygrunt82 · 04-27-2006, 01:32 AM

LMFAO! dude this is too true, we call em "the protein farts/shits" Fortunately for me my gym is pretty big so I can start crackin em off while im walkin to the water fountain and they usually dissipate quickly. When im feeling cruel I will go over where all the fat bodies are walking 1.5 mph on the treadmill's and crack a mean SBD off and watch em scatter. Awesome article man I needed a good laugh tonight

spaceclown · 04-27-2006, 07:23 PM

Interesting article on fart free beans
http://www.abc.net.au/science/news/h...sh_1624063.htm

BTW - i just farted. my co-workers love it!
:cheese:

**Pioneer** · 04-28-2006, 07:29 PM

although moving toward a crowed area, which doesn't stink in the first place, and then you suddenly come over and it starts to stink, it might raise some suspicion.

miezimau · 04-28-2006, 08:43 PM

I never heard of Farrt free beans. ROFL

04-27-2006, 01:12 AM	#1
BobThePotato Nublarsaurusrex Join Date: May 2005 Location: Calgary//Alberta Posts: 513 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 21	Christ, Was That You? Just a little something I pulled from bbing.com that I found amusing. Christ, Was That You? If you've spent any time at all around a good-sized bodybuilder, you're quickly going to realise that these guys have serious issues with gas. Unfortunately, the same dietary practices that allow us to pack on the muscle also cause the wildlife that inhabit intestinal tracts to produce inordinate amounts of methane. As a result, most bodybuilders spend a significant amount of time trying to fart in public without getting caught. Anytime you get a large group of bodybuilders together, you'd better have a good ventilation system. Any of you who've attended the expos at the Mr Olympia or Arnold's Classic will know what I mean. If it weren't for the massive difference in muscularity, you wouldn't know if you were at a bodybuilding show or an all day chili cook-off. You're constantly walking through man-sized fart bubbles of varying toxicity. There's a certain pride associated with a good, sweaty, manly fart, the kind that can immediately clear a room. One of the important principles you'll need to master as your flatulence grows in direct correlation to your body weight is the subtle art of never being around to take the blame when the general public is hit with the goods. This requires some planning on your part, as you can't just rip one at the beginning of your drop-set on bench and hope no one is going to point the finger at you. You'll generally have plenty of warning as one of these monsters goes through its build up phase and know when its time to take appropriate action. You can employ several techniques here, but all involve moving to an area of the gym you won't soon need to occupy for any reason and releasing your noxious payload. This can be done discreetly in an unoccupied corner of the gym, although doing so wastes any of the fart's knockout potential. The best course of action allows you to ease your burden and remain blame-free, while allowing others to share in your fragrant emanations. My philosophy is that if God didn't want others to smell our farts, he wouldn't have made them stink, right? Once you feel you're ready to release your cargo, saunter over to a crowded section of the gym. Maybe you're looking for that damn triceps handle, or maybe you're just making your way through the crowd to say hi to an old friend. Whatever your ruse may be, it's important that you release while on the move. Standing in one spot will make identifying you as the culprit a far easier task than if you release the gas piecemeal on your trek through the gym. Be sure you've thoroughly unloaded every bit of gas before you make your way back to your own workout area, as a really good fart has a tendency to follow you if given a chance. If done correctly, you'll escape detection and get to enjoy the fruits of your labours as you watch innocent gym members glare at each other as they quickly move to find fresh air. __________________ "Geadelt ist wer Schmerzen kennt vom Feuer das in Lust verbrennt."

04-27-2006, 07:23 PM	#3
spaceclown IMPC Contestant Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In the gym Posts: 1,723 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 39	Interesting article on fart free beans http://www.abc.net.au/science/news/h...sh_1624063.htm BTW - i just farted. my co-workers love it! :cheese: __________________ Spaceclown _________________________ Millennium Sport Technologies www.millenniumsport.net

04-28-2006, 07:29 PM	#4
Pioneer Moderator Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 1,719 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 73	although moving toward a crowed area, which doesn't stink in the first place, and then you suddenly come over and it starts to stink, it might raise some suspicion. __________________ "A Marine in battle fears disgracing himself by running. He fears not losing his life, but losing his honor. He may not be able to preserve his life, but he can always preserve his honor. That much is within his power... To fear disgrace but not death, to fear not duty but dereliction from duty -- this is courage." -FMFM 1-0 "Leading Marines" pg. 43 Drive on

04-28-2006, 08:43 PM	#5
miezimau IMPC Contestant Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: at home Posts: 473 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 10	I never heard of Farrt free beans. ROFL __________________ Opportunity Some People dream of Success..While others wake up and work hard at it.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

04-27-2006, 01:32 AM	#2
armygrunt82 Amateur Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 91 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 3	LMFAO! dude this is too true, we call em "the protein farts/shits" Fortunately for me my gym is pretty big so I can start crackin em off while im walkin to the water fountain and they usually dissipate quickly. When im feeling cruel I will go over where all the fat bodies are walking 1.5 mph on the treadmill's and crack a mean SBD off and watch em scatter. Awesome article man I needed a good laugh tonight