Something to offend everyone

**warriors** · 02-16-2006, 11:04 PM

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

**DJSTARER** · 02-16-2006, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by warriors

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

Have you not seen Boston Legal? Pshh

~~2Ripped4U~~ · 02-16-2006, 11:39 PM

Boston Legal RULES, So does this thread!!!

marlon · 02-16-2006, 11:41 PM

:screaming i am so offended, however that was funny

**skelooth** · 02-17-2006, 01:44 AM

Quote:

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

... :rofl:

pammiejoe6 · 02-17-2006, 01:24 PM

bwhahahahahahaaaaaa those are hilarious!!

BTW Boston Legal TOTALLY rules!!

fauche65 · 02-17-2006, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by warriors

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

LOL. I know a lot of women who would agree!

~~2Ripped4U~~ · 02-17-2006, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pammiejoe6

BTW Boston Legal TOTALLY rules!!

Denny Crane

Master Of Puppets · 02-17-2006, 07:32 PM

LMFAO!!!

pammiejoe6 · 02-17-2006, 07:40 PM

heheheeee....Crane.......Denny Crane

pammiejoe6 · 02-17-2006, 07:44 PM

course Alan Shore is a totally kewl dude too...

~~2Ripped4U~~ · 02-17-2006, 07:46 PM

I think I might like Alan Shore better, now that Denny doesn't do too awful much these days except screw his fiance lol...

pammiejoe6 · 02-17-2006, 07:47 PM

and drink scotch and smoke stogies...hahah

i definitely like alan ...hes a GREAT lawyer!

~~2Ripped4U~~ · 02-17-2006, 07:49 PM

I love how he constantly over and over owns those fools... By far imo the best case was the lady with the credit card debt.

pammiejoe6 · 02-17-2006, 07:51 PM

all of his cases are awesome....i LOVE the show!!!!

~~2Ripped4U~~ · 02-17-2006, 07:53 PM

I find myself over and over acting like a bad knock-off of Alan, after watching the shows. It usually wears off by the next night though lol

pammiejoe6 · 02-17-2006, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2Ripped4U

I find myself over and over acting like a bad knock-off of Alan, after watching the shows. It usually wears off by the next night though lol

hahahahaaa....

not me:zoom:

~~2Ripped4U~~ · 02-17-2006, 07:58 PM

Must be nice lol...

02-16-2006, 11:04 PM	#1
warriors The world is yours Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 1,127 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 29	Something to offend everyone What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? The position of the dirt bag What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 10 years and 45 lbs What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls. What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?" Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Everyone has the same DNA. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong". What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe". How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO! What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit.... Why is there no Disneyland in China ? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides __________________ Not Around...

02-16-2006, 11:41 PM	#4
marlon Pink Members Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 381 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 6	:screaming i am so offended, however that was funny __________________ ***********.com 5% off Discount Code: MPP883

02-17-2006, 07:32 PM	#9
Master Of Puppets Registered User Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,020 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 47	LMFAO!!! __________________

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02-16-2006, 11:39 PM	#3
~~2Ripped4U~~ Banned Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: NY Posts: 1,463 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 0	Boston Legal RULES, So does this thread!!!

02-17-2006, 01:24 PM	#6
pammiejoe6 Pink Members Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: south texas Posts: 4,174 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 85	bwhahahahahahaaaaaa those are hilarious!! BTW Boston Legal TOTALLY rules!!

02-17-2006, 07:40 PM	#10
pammiejoe6 Pink Members Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: south texas Posts: 4,174 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 85	heheheeee....Crane.......Denny Crane

02-17-2006, 07:44 PM	#11
pammiejoe6 Pink Members Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: south texas Posts: 4,174 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 85	course Alan Shore is a totally kewl dude too...

02-17-2006, 07:46 PM	#12
~~2Ripped4U~~ Banned Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: NY Posts: 1,463 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 0	I think I might like Alan Shore better, now that Denny doesn't do too awful much these days except screw his fiance lol...

02-17-2006, 07:47 PM	#13
pammiejoe6 Pink Members Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: south texas Posts: 4,174 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 85	and drink scotch and smoke stogies...hahah i definitely like alan ...hes a GREAT lawyer!

02-17-2006, 07:49 PM	#14
~~2Ripped4U~~ Banned Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: NY Posts: 1,463 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 0	I love how he constantly over and over owns those fools... By far imo the best case was the lady with the credit card debt.

02-17-2006, 07:51 PM	#15
pammiejoe6 Pink Members Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: south texas Posts: 4,174 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 85	all of his cases are awesome....i LOVE the show!!!!

02-17-2006, 07:53 PM	#16
~~2Ripped4U~~ Banned Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: NY Posts: 1,463 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 0	I find myself over and over acting like a bad knock-off of Alan, after watching the shows. It usually wears off by the next night though lol

02-17-2006, 07:58 PM	#18
~~2Ripped4U~~ Banned Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: NY Posts: 1,463 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 0	Must be nice lol...