Joke Thread....

Pj-Macx · 06-29-2005, 10:10 AM

This is not meant to offend anyone.. I just thought it was cute..

Lets just make this the joke thread... any jokes just add them to this thread..

Blonde Horseback Riding

A blonde decided to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She mounts the hours unassisted and the horse
immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins
to slip from the saddle! In terror, she grabs fro the horse's mane, but
cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's
neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the
horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled
in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves
as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

Thank God for heroes.

Dan · 06-29-2005, 01:34 PM

LOL ... got anymore?

Master Of Puppets · 06-29-2005, 02:17 PM

ROFL. Where do you get this stuff?

MOP

Pj-Macx · 06-29-2005, 09:41 PM

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT".
After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".
By the time she drove eight miles, shehad cleaned 43 restrooms.

Pj-Macx · 06-29-2005, 09:46 PM

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

Master Of Puppets · 06-29-2005, 09:48 PM

That one was great!

MOP

Pj-Macx · 06-29-2005, 09:50 PM

A Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."

"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."

Pj-Macx · 06-29-2005, 09:51 PM

There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"

Pj-Macx · 06-29-2005, 09:53 PM

BLONDE TERMINOLOGY BLONDE JOKES

Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coat hook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small tablet
Terminal Illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumor -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited

Matt96teg · 06-29-2005, 10:09 PM

**Peaked_18** · 06-29-2005, 10:33 PM

A female Olympic swimmer was talking with one of her team mates about using steroids. She claimed that she was going to quit taking them because she was growing hair in scary places.

When her friend asked her where the hair was growing, she replied, "On my nuts."

Apootheosis · 06-29-2005, 10:53 PM

Lol i dont think jokes that dont involve some sort of discrimination or prejudice exist anymore.

How many jews does it take....

DarkFalcon · 06-29-2005, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peaked_18

A female Olympic swimmer was talking with one of her team mates about using steroids. She claimed that she was going to quit taking them because she was growing hair in scary places.

When her friend asked her where the hair was growing, she replied, "On my nuts."

LMAO!!

Pj-Macx · 06-29-2005, 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peaked_18

A female Olympic swimmer was talking with one of her team mates about using steroids. She claimed that she was going to quit taking them because she was growing hair in scary places.

When her friend asked her where the hair was growing, she replied, "On my nuts."

LMAO!!!!

The Doc · 06-30-2005, 05:50 AM

Now before anyone gets mad it's a joke my grandma told me, so think of a little old lady telling it:

How many Polish guys does it take to clean a bathroom?

None, that's a woman's job :o.

Master Of Puppets · 06-30-2005, 05:55 AM

A blonde and a bunette are in an elevator with a man that has severe dandriff. Skin flakes are going everywhere, so the brunette says, "Give this guy some head and shoulders."
The blonde then says, "I don't know how to give shoulders, but I sure do know how to give head.

"

MOP

**The Chosen One** · 06-30-2005, 05:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Apootheosis

Lol i dont think jokes that dont involve some sort of discrimination or prejudice exist anymore.

How many jews does it take....

Unforunatly you're pretty much right..

The Doc · 06-30-2005, 06:09 AM

3 nuns are sitting on a bench when a man walks up in a trench coat and proceeds to flash them. The first nun had a stroke, the second had a stroke and the third nun couldn't reach

.

06-29-2005, 10:10 AM	#1
Pj-Macx Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Location: 632 HP SS Posts: 3,337 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 68	Joke Thread.... This is not meant to offend anyone.. I just thought it was cute.. Lets just make this the joke thread... any jokes just add them to this thread.. Blonde Horseback Riding A blonde decided to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the hours unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle! In terror, she grabs fro the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse. Thank God for heroes. __________________ Co-Owner @ BodyBuildingXtreme 2002 Navy Blue Metallic Camaro SS "The Blue Ghost" # 10354 -=LME LSX 454ci built for N20=- Last edited by Pj-Macx : 06-29-2005 at 09:55 PM.

06-29-2005, 02:17 PM	#3
Master Of Puppets Registered User Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,043 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 47	ROFL. Where do you get this stuff? MOP __________________ Trautman: How will you live, John? Rambo: Day by day. -Rambo: First Blood Part II

06-29-2005, 09:41 PM	#4
Pj-Macx Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Location: 632 HP SS Posts: 3,337 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 68	A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home. On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, shehad cleaned 43 restrooms. __________________ Co-Owner @ BodyBuildingXtreme 2002 Navy Blue Metallic Camaro SS "The Blue Ghost" # 10354 -=LME LSX 454ci built for N20=-

06-29-2005, 09:46 PM	#5
Pj-Macx Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Location: 632 HP SS Posts: 3,337 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 68	There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back. __________________ Co-Owner @ BodyBuildingXtreme 2002 Navy Blue Metallic Camaro SS "The Blue Ghost" # 10354 -=LME LSX 454ci built for N20=-

06-29-2005, 09:48 PM	#6
Master Of Puppets Registered User Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,043 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 47	That one was great! MOP __________________ Trautman: How will you live, John? Rambo: Day by day. -Rambo: First Blood Part II

06-29-2005, 01:34 PM	#2
Dan Unpaid Trash Collector Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Colorado Posts: 1,725 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 26	LOL ... got anymore?

06-29-2005, 09:50 PM	#7
Pj-Macx Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Location: 632 HP SS Posts: 3,337 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 68	A Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test." "Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy. "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter. The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!" "That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..." __________________ Co-Owner @ BodyBuildingXtreme 2002 Navy Blue Metallic Camaro SS "The Blue Ghost" # 10354 -=LME LSX 454ci built for N20=-

06-29-2005, 09:51 PM	#8
Pj-Macx Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Location: 632 HP SS Posts: 3,337 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 68	There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office. Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too. The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left. The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again. "No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!" __________________ Co-Owner @ BodyBuildingXtreme 2002 Navy Blue Metallic Camaro SS "The Blue Ghost" # 10354 -=LME LSX 454ci built for N20=-

06-29-2005, 09:53 PM	#9
Pj-Macx Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Location: 632 HP SS Posts: 3,337 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 68	BLONDE TERMINOLOGY BLONDE JOKES Anally -- occurring yearly Artery -- study of paintings Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U Caesarian section -- district in Rome Cat scan -- searching for kitty Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her Colic -- sheep dog Coma -- a punctuation mark Congenital -- friendly D&C -- where Washington is Diarrhea -- journal of daily events Dilate -- to live long Enema -- not a friend Fester -- quicker Fibula -- a small lie Genital -- non-Jewish G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game Grippe -- suitcase Hangnail -- coat hook Impotent -- distinguished, well known Intense pain -- torture in a teepee Labour pain -- got hurt at work Medical staff -- doctor's cane Morbid -- higher offer Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate Node -- was aware of Outpatient -- person who had fainted Pap smear -- fatherhood test Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis Post operative -- letter carrier Protein -- favouring young people Rectum -- damn near killed 'em Recovery room -- place to do upholstery Rheumatic -- amorous Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf Secretion -- hiding anything Seizure -- Roman emperor Serology -- study of knighthood Tablet -- small tablet Terminal Illness -- sickness at airport Tibia -- country in North Africa Tumor -- an extra pair Urine -- opposite of you're out Varicose -- located nearby Vein -- conceited __________________ Co-Owner @ BodyBuildingXtreme 2002 Navy Blue Metallic Camaro SS "The Blue Ghost" # 10354 -=LME LSX 454ci built for N20=-

06-29-2005, 10:09 PM	#10
Matt96teg MATT SMASH!@!@!@ Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 361 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 10	lol

06-29-2005, 10:33 PM	#11
Peaked_18 a la commode Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 4,247 Recipes: 2 Rep Power: 96	Olypmpic Swimmer A female Olympic swimmer was talking with one of her team mates about using steroids. She claimed that she was going to quit taking them because she was growing hair in scary places. When her friend asked her where the hair was growing, she replied, "On my nuts."

06-29-2005, 10:53 PM	#12
Apootheosis Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 625 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 10	Lol i dont think jokes that dont involve some sort of discrimination or prejudice exist anymore. How many jews does it take....

06-30-2005, 05:50 AM	#15
The Doc Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Location: Lockport,NY Posts: 232 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 6	Now before anyone gets mad it's a joke my grandma told me, so think of a little old lady telling it: How many Polish guys does it take to clean a bathroom? None, that's a woman's job :o. __________________ I do not have an M.D. or a Ph.D., Doc is a nickname, please don't ask me about your personal itching or psychological problems. A smart man learns from his own mistakes, a wise man learns from the mistakes of others. IAmShaman Shop

06-30-2005, 05:55 AM	#16
Master Of Puppets Registered User Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,043 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 47	Dirty Joke! ALERT!!! A blonde and a bunette are in an elevator with a man that has severe dandriff. Skin flakes are going everywhere, so the brunette says, "Give this guy some head and shoulders." The blonde then says, "I don't know how to give shoulders, but I sure do know how to give head. " MOP __________________ Trautman: How will you live, John? Rambo: Day by day. -Rambo: First Blood Part II

06-30-2005, 06:09 AM	#18
The Doc Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Location: Lockport,NY Posts: 232 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 6	3 nuns are sitting on a bench when a man walks up in a trench coat and proceeds to flash them. The first nun had a stroke, the second had a stroke and the third nun couldn't reach . __________________ I do not have an M.D. or a Ph.D., Doc is a nickname, please don't ask me about your personal itching or psychological problems. A smart man learns from his own mistakes, a wise man learns from the mistakes of others. IAmShaman Shop

06-30-2005, 06:09 AM	#19
Sholiz Soldier In Progress Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Michigan Posts: 3,431 Recipes: 3 Rep Power: 230