has anyone here ever lost a parent?

Yardicus · 08-04-2005, 01:57 PM

especially at a younger age

just wondering how you dealt with it, especially if it was a cancer or something that their actions/habits caused

how did you deal with the anger/your feelings, especially if it was expeted and you only had a short time left with them

Dan · 08-04-2005, 02:13 PM

Did not exactly happen at a young age but 2.5 yrs ago my mother passed away from cancer. Glioblastoma is the type which is the worst kind according to what we were told. Nearly 4 months to the day of finding out she had it she died. Mom did not smoke or drink and led a healthy lifestyle. She was 58 when she died basically my dad kept her wishes and allowed her to pass by turning off the machines that were keeping her going.

Yardicus · 08-04-2005, 02:15 PM

how did you deal with it bro

Dan · 08-04-2005, 02:27 PM

I did what needed to be done and stood between my dad and anyone that was asking information. I took a month off and went to CA where I made most of the decisions that needed to be made. Dad did not have to / could not deal with making small or large decisions. From what to tell annoying telemarketers to what grave site is best. I actually took his cell phone away do to what the calls were doing to him. His mom, brothers, and close family friends were the only ones that got through. When his phone rang I would get up and walk off to take the calls. I guess my way of dealing was to make sure my dad did not have to. I also gave the eulogy to over 600 hundred people. For the most part I have been ok with the way things went people do die and not always of old age. It was not the easiest thing by any means but through my faith I have been able to gain understanding.

Fiky · 08-04-2005, 02:29 PM

Sorry to hear Dan.

My father died when I was 6 years old, I don't know exactly how but I know depression had a big deal to do with his death.

Such is life.

**EME** · 08-04-2005, 02:40 PM

My father died from Cancer a few years ago also.

I don't live in the same state as my parents, so I did what I could to support my Mom who was with him the whole time, and I visited and talked to him as much as I could.

He died of Leukemia ( CLL ) and had it about 7 years before he finally passed.
Fortunately he was strong all throughout the illness and only got bad in the last week before he died. He never even missed any work throughout his illness. He took off for his chemo appointments, and would go back to work the same day. He was an Air Force Fighter Pilot and had retired from the Air Force as a Lt. Colonel years before, so he definitely had the mentality that he was stonger than the cancer. The cancer eventually won, but he never backed down to it.

The whole situation was a little easier to deal with because I had a long time knowing what was eventually going to happen. It's never easy, but I had a chance to come to terms with things over a matter of years, rather than having to deal with emotions all of the sudden.

- EME

Apootheosis · 08-04-2005, 02:48 PM

My father's been dead to me since the day i was born

**ravadongon** · 08-04-2005, 03:24 PM

My mother died in a car accident when I was 8 (my younger brothers were 5 and 2), which my uncle and grandma (who also died) and my 2 brothers and I were also involved in.

Thankfully I have a wonderful dad who's not only domesticated (can cook and clean very well - better than most mothers), but also has a solid profession as a doctor, has got my brothers and I through it so far (8 years), with no outside help from our relatives...

1stindoor · 08-04-2005, 03:48 PM

I lost my father about 2 1/2 years ago as well to lung cancer. Although I've lived apart from him for years, it still hit me pretty hard. We were always close and fishing partners since I was old enough to hold a rod in my hand.

My first wife passed away from breast cancer nearly 5 1/2 years ago and I actually had an easier time with her passing than my fathers. It seemed easier because I was with her everyday, and the changes as a result of the chemo/radiation did not seem as severe. With my father, I only got to go home about 4 times that year and each time, I saw him become smaller and more frail with each visit.

As to how I got through both of these life changing events...I will tell you it was only through my belief in Jesus and knowing that neither of them are "lost" and I will see them again.

**Peaked_18** · 08-04-2005, 06:58 PM

My uncle died when I was about 10. He was a really great guy, everyone liked him in town, and my aunt just lost it for a few years. But she's been doing good lately.

I am not one to cry, but it's really sad to know you lost someone you loved, it really makes you feel bad.

But they went to a better place is how i thought of it. I'll be seeing them in a few years and we'll be happy again.

Very tough to deal with though...

**The Chosen One** · 08-04-2005, 07:08 PM

I am very fortunate and dispite very bad problems right now with my mothers mental health I havn't had to deal with this type of adversity. There hasn't been a recent tragedy in your life, has there BPP? If that isn't too personal. If there is I hope you can pull through alright bro. And sorry to all of you guys who've experienced this, I can't say I know how it feels but I can understand how it'd be immensly painful.

SouthCaliDiva · 08-05-2005, 06:58 PM

Hmmm. Interesting question. My mom died in a car accident in 1988 (I was 24) and I'm still dealing with it in some ways. Initially I was totally pissed off. She had battled and won over breast cancer, blood pressure issues, hypoglycemia, and a jerk of a husband only to be killed in a stupid car wreck. (Furniture truck speeding in the rain crossed the center line on a curve.) It made no sense to me why the supposedly loving God would put her or us through such an ordeal with the cancer and such only to take her anyway in such a horrible manner.

I guess the thought that helped me deal with it was that from her standpoint, she is where she wants to be. I know sounds gruesome, but she was a Christian and believed that she would get her "reward" in the next place with her God. No more cancer, no more sickness, no more jerky husbands.

Thing · 08-05-2005, 10:18 PM

Whew, where to begin with this. My dad was shot down over Vietnam in 1968. I never really got to know him, that was hard for me. My mother was killed about 8 months later in a car accident so I was orphaned at 7 years old. The people that adopted me were, for all intents and purposes, my parents. I guess for me the hardest part for me is the not knowing what really happened to him. I have heard from his wing man and others that were there that day that they thought he landed OK. I guess at this point in my life I'd just be relieved with some form of closure to this almost 40 year old saga. This is the reason that I work closely with POW MIA, maybe I can find closure for myself or closure for someone else.
ROB

DarkFalcon · 08-05-2005, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thing

Whew, where to begin with this. My dad was shot down over Vietnam in 1968. I never really got to know him, that was hard for me. My mother was killed about 8 months later in a car accident so I was orphaned at 7 years old. The people that adopted me were, for all intents and purposes, my parents. I guess for me the hardest part for me is the not knowing what really happened to him. I have heard from his wing man and others that were there that day that they thought he landed OK. I guess at this point in my life I'd just be relieved with some form of closure to this almost 40 year old saga. This is the reason that I work closely with POW MIA, maybe I can find closure for myself or closure for someone else.
ROB

That would be rough, hope you find some answers one day.

**EME** · 08-05-2005, 10:28 PM

Hey Thing,

Sorry to hear about that man. That's tough.
I'm not sure if you saw my post in the "Jane Fonda" thread, but my dad was shot down over Vietnam also. He was a POW in Hanoi.

I can definitely appreciate your work with POW/MIA. I'm sure those you work with really appreciate it too.

- EME

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thing

Whew, where to begin with this. My dad was shot down over Vietnam in 1968. I never really got to know him, that was hard for me. My mother was killed about 8 months later in a car accident so I was orphaned at 7 years old. The people that adopted me were, for all intents and purposes, my parents. I guess for me the hardest part for me is the not knowing what really happened to him. I have heard from his wing man and others that were there that day that they thought he landed OK. I guess at this point in my life I'd just be relieved with some form of closure to this almost 40 year old saga. This is the reason that I work closely with POW MIA, maybe I can find closure for myself or closure for someone else.
ROB

Trick D · 08-05-2005, 11:03 PM

I can't even imagine how it feels to lose a mother or father. My mother was very lucky and had surgery last year when her doctor swore she had life threatening cancer and luckily the doctor was proven wrong.

I have had a lot of problems losing friends. When I was 16 my best friend died in a car accident going to church with his fiance (he was 20) and her parents. This put me in depression big time and made me question religion for years. I was pissed off at the world. Then I started getting better over the years until I was 20 when I had 2 friends commit suicided that didn't know each other and my dad's best friend died of cancer all in the same month. It was extrememly hard on me and my family since all of the deceased were very close family friends. It is wild how 3 different branches of friends die at the same time. It was rough. Through it all I have found that weight lifting and poetry. I haven't wrote in a few years, but weight lifting has been my staple of getting over my depression from loss of many friends over the few years.

To everyone that has lost someone, I feel for you, and I am sorry that life through you that to deal with. I am hope you get over it soon, and have the best life ever.

D

**ravadongon** · 08-06-2005, 02:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thing

Whew, where to begin with this. My dad was shot down over Vietnam in 1968. I never really got to know him, that was hard for me. My mother was killed about 8 months later in a car accident so I was orphaned at 7 years old. The people that adopted me were, for all intents and purposes, my parents. I guess for me the hardest part for me is the not knowing what really happened to him. I have heard from his wing man and others that were there that day that they thought he landed OK. I guess at this point in my life I'd just be relieved with some form of closure to this almost 40 year old saga. This is the reason that I work closely with POW MIA, maybe I can find closure for myself or closure for someone else.
ROB

Damn, you must have had a tough childhood...

Were you adopted by relative/close friends or by people you didn't know prior to the adoption?

**warriors** · 08-06-2005, 06:09 AM

I haven't lost a parent(fortunately) but i did lose my grandfather a few years ago and that was prolly the hardest time in my life b/c i was very close to him. He taught me alot about everything and was the smartest man i have ever met when it came to business and math.

My dad did battle bone cancer a few years back but he has had that in remission for almost 5 yrs.

Yardicus · 08-06-2005, 03:33 PM

this is why i posted this:

around christmas time my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

the chemo worked exceptionally well for awhile, however

08-04-2005, 01:57 PM	#1
Yardicus Cutting Yardie Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Indiana Posts: 918 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 26	has anyone here ever lost a parent? especially at a younger age just wondering how you dealt with it, especially if it was a cancer or something that their actions/habits caused how did you deal with the anger/your feelings, especially if it was expeted and you only had a short time left with them

08-04-2005, 02:13 PM	#2
Dan Unpaid Trash Collector Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Colorado Posts: 1,725 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 26	Did not exactly happen at a young age but 2.5 yrs ago my mother passed away from cancer. Glioblastoma is the type which is the worst kind according to what we were told. Nearly 4 months to the day of finding out she had it she died. Mom did not smoke or drink and led a healthy lifestyle. She was 58 when she died basically my dad kept her wishes and allowed her to pass by turning off the machines that were keeping her going. __________________ Got an issue send a PM ... to anyone but me

08-04-2005, 02:27 PM	#4
Dan Unpaid Trash Collector Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Colorado Posts: 1,725 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 26	I did what needed to be done and stood between my dad and anyone that was asking information. I took a month off and went to CA where I made most of the decisions that needed to be made. Dad did not have to / could not deal with making small or large decisions. From what to tell annoying telemarketers to what grave site is best. I actually took his cell phone away do to what the calls were doing to him. His mom, brothers, and close family friends were the only ones that got through. When his phone rang I would get up and walk off to take the calls. I guess my way of dealing was to make sure my dad did not have to. I also gave the eulogy to over 600 hundred people. For the most part I have been ok with the way things went people do die and not always of old age. It was not the easiest thing by any means but through my faith I have been able to gain understanding. __________________ Got an issue send a PM ... to anyone but me Last edited by Dan : 08-04-2005 at 02:37 PM.

08-04-2005, 02:29 PM	#5
Fiky Pro Stature Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Perth, Australia Posts: 201 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 6	Sorry to hear Dan. My father died when I was 6 years old, I don't know exactly how but I know depression had a big deal to do with his death. Such is life. __________________ Life is simple, get laid, pump iron, get HUGE!

08-04-2005, 02:40 PM	#6
EME Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 3,265 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 51	My father died from Cancer a few years ago also. I don't live in the same state as my parents, so I did what I could to support my Mom who was with him the whole time, and I visited and talked to him as much as I could. He died of Leukemia ( CLL ) and had it about 7 years before he finally passed. Fortunately he was strong all throughout the illness and only got bad in the last week before he died. He never even missed any work throughout his illness. He took off for his chemo appointments, and would go back to work the same day. He was an Air Force Fighter Pilot and had retired from the Air Force as a Lt. Colonel years before, so he definitely had the mentality that he was stonger than the cancer. The cancer eventually won, but he never backed down to it. The whole situation was a little easier to deal with because I had a long time knowing what was eventually going to happen. It's never easy, but I had a chance to come to terms with things over a matter of years, rather than having to deal with emotions all of the sudden. - EME __________________ PhysiqueFXonline - Online Nutrition and Training with Michael and Kendra Elias: www.MichaelandKendra.com Team Molecular Nutrition Creative Director FAME Media Group / World Natural Sports Organization Editor-In-Chief FAME Magazine www.FAMEWorldTour.com

08-04-2005, 02:15 PM	#3
Yardicus Cutting Yardie Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Indiana Posts: 918 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 26	how did you deal with it bro

08-04-2005, 02:48 PM	#7
Apootheosis Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 625 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 10	My father's been dead to me since the day i was born

08-04-2005, 03:24 PM	#8
ravadongon Audere est Facere Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Perth, Australia Posts: 372 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 7	My mother died in a car accident when I was 8 (my younger brothers were 5 and 2), which my uncle and grandma (who also died) and my 2 brothers and I were also involved in. Thankfully I have a wonderful dad who's not only domesticated (can cook and clean very well - better than most mothers), but also has a solid profession as a doctor, has got my brothers and I through it so far (8 years), with no outside help from our relatives... __________________ My Weight Training Log - http://ironmass.com/forums/showthread.php?p=112673 For Full Journal visit - http://forum.athletes.com/showthread.php?t=2466 or http://charliefrancis.com/community/...ad.php?t=11822.

08-04-2005, 03:48 PM	#9
1stindoor Pro Stature Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: NC Posts: 327 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 7	I lost my father about 2 1/2 years ago as well to lung cancer. Although I've lived apart from him for years, it still hit me pretty hard. We were always close and fishing partners since I was old enough to hold a rod in my hand. My first wife passed away from breast cancer nearly 5 1/2 years ago and I actually had an easier time with her passing than my fathers. It seemed easier because I was with her everyday, and the changes as a result of the chemo/radiation did not seem as severe. With my father, I only got to go home about 4 times that year and each time, I saw him become smaller and more frail with each visit. As to how I got through both of these life changing events...I will tell you it was only through my belief in Jesus and knowing that neither of them are "lost" and I will see them again. __________________ Steely-eyed, barrel-chested, freedom fighter with the kung-fu grip and the life-like hair

08-04-2005, 06:58 PM	#10
Peaked_18 a la commode Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 4,247 Recipes: 2 Rep Power: 96	My uncle died when I was about 10. He was a really great guy, everyone liked him in town, and my aunt just lost it for a few years. But she's been doing good lately. I am not one to cry, but it's really sad to know you lost someone you loved, it really makes you feel bad. But they went to a better place is how i thought of it. I'll be seeing them in a few years and we'll be happy again. Very tough to deal with though...

08-04-2005, 07:08 PM	#11
The Chosen One Chief Web Master Join Date: May 2005 Location: Canada Posts: 906 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 668	I am very fortunate and dispite very bad problems right now with my mothers mental health I havn't had to deal with this type of adversity. There hasn't been a recent tragedy in your life, has there BPP? If that isn't too personal. If there is I hope you can pull through alright bro. And sorry to all of you guys who've experienced this, I can't say I know how it feels but I can understand how it'd be immensly painful.

08-05-2005, 06:58 PM	#12
SouthCaliDiva IronMass Donator Join Date: May 2005 Location: H-Town bound!!!!!!!! Posts: 515 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 9	Hmmm. Interesting question. My mom died in a car accident in 1988 (I was 24) and I'm still dealing with it in some ways. Initially I was totally pissed off. She had battled and won over breast cancer, blood pressure issues, hypoglycemia, and a jerk of a husband only to be killed in a stupid car wreck. (Furniture truck speeding in the rain crossed the center line on a curve.) It made no sense to me why the supposedly loving God would put her or us through such an ordeal with the cancer and such only to take her anyway in such a horrible manner. I guess the thought that helped me deal with it was that from her standpoint, she is where she wants to be. I know sounds gruesome, but she was a Christian and believed that she would get her "reward" in the next place with her God. No more cancer, no more sickness, no more jerky husbands. __________________ It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains. The stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.

08-05-2005, 10:18 PM	#13
Thing Pro Stature Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 132 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 5	Whew, where to begin with this. My dad was shot down over Vietnam in 1968. I never really got to know him, that was hard for me. My mother was killed about 8 months later in a car accident so I was orphaned at 7 years old. The people that adopted me were, for all intents and purposes, my parents. I guess for me the hardest part for me is the not knowing what really happened to him. I have heard from his wing man and others that were there that day that they thought he landed OK. I guess at this point in my life I'd just be relieved with some form of closure to this almost 40 year old saga. This is the reason that I work closely with POW MIA, maybe I can find closure for myself or closure for someone else. ROB __________________ MOTIVATED, DEDICATED, LETHAL.... US ARMY RANGERS LEAD THE WAY

08-06-2005, 06:09 AM	#18
warriors The world is yours Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 1,127 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 29	I haven't lost a parent(fortunately) but i did lose my grandfather a few years ago and that was prolly the hardest time in my life b/c i was very close to him. He taught me alot about everything and was the smartest man i have ever met when it came to business and math. My dad did battle bone cancer a few years back but he has had that in remission for almost 5 yrs. __________________ Not Around...

08-06-2005, 03:33 PM	#19
Yardicus Cutting Yardie Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Indiana Posts: 918 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 26	this is why i posted this: around christmas time my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. the chemo worked exceptionally well for awhile, however