Flower Curse

Pj-Macx · 05-28-2006, 07:18 PM

Flower Curse

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again, for no reason."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says "Don't you have a vase?"

Pj-Macx · 05-28-2006, 07:34 PM

Devil's Voice

The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed.
"I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'"
"Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!"
"I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from back here, too!"

Pj-Macx · 05-28-2006, 07:37 PM

Bush In Hell

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got some folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.

I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room.

In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No, George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Richard Nixon with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Bush took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yea, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go."

Pj-Macx · 05-28-2006, 07:45 PM

Clocks In Heaven

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,
"What
are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's.
The
hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter
responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved
twice,
telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's George Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

DarkFalcon · 05-28-2006, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pj-Macx

Bush In Hell

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got some folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.

I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room.

In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No, George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Richard Nixon with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Bush took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yea, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go."

:rofl:

Pj-Macx · 05-28-2006, 07:52 PM

A Trip To Mars

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating
enough frequent flyer miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking
about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they
have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do
it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the
night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a
bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member
about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.

"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.

"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"

"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.
With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite
impressively long.

"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty
narrow...."

"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his
member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely
exciting to the woman.

"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fall into bed and make mad, passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their
separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about
you?"

"It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache. She kept
slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

Pj-Macx · 05-28-2006, 07:54 PM

Do It Yourself- Taliban Style

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune....

"One US soldier is better than ten Taliban"

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes then ssilence. The voice then call out.....

"One US soldier is better than one hundred Taliban"

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune, and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The voice calls out again....

"One US soldier is better than one thousand Taliban".

The enraged Taliban commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with
his dying words tells his commander..... "Don't send any more men....it's a trap....there's two of them!"...

Pj-Macx · 05-28-2006, 07:56 PM

Olympic Wrestlers

Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal.

Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!"

The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold! A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending.

Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face.

"I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.

"You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!"

Italionstallionl · 05-28-2006, 09:44 PM

:nosthumbs

05-28-2006, 07:18 PM	#1
Pj-Macx Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Location: 632 HP SS Posts: 3,337 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 68	Flower Curse Flower Curse Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again, for no reason." The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?" The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says "Don't you have a vase?" __________________ Co-Owner @ BodyBuildingXtreme 2002 Navy Blue Metallic Camaro SS "The Blue Ghost" # 10354 -=LME LSX 454ci built for N20=-

05-28-2006, 07:34 PM	#2
Pj-Macx Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Location: 632 HP SS Posts: 3,337 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 68	Devil's Voice The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'" "Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from back here, too!" __________________ Co-Owner @ BodyBuildingXtreme 2002 Navy Blue Metallic Camaro SS "The Blue Ghost" # 10354 -=LME LSX 454ci built for N20=-

05-28-2006, 07:37 PM	#3
Pj-Macx Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Location: 632 HP SS Posts: 3,337 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 68	Bush In Hell One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got some folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room. In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No, George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room. In it was Richard Nixon with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George. The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Bush took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yea, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go." __________________ Co-Owner @ BodyBuildingXtreme 2002 Navy Blue Metallic Camaro SS "The Blue Ghost" # 10354 -=LME LSX 454ci built for N20=-

05-28-2006, 07:45 PM	#4
Pj-Macx Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Location: 632 HP SS Posts: 3,337 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 68	Clocks In Heaven A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life." "Where's George Bush's clock?" asked the man. "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan." __________________ Co-Owner @ BodyBuildingXtreme 2002 Navy Blue Metallic Camaro SS "The Blue Ghost" # 10354 -=LME LSX 454ci built for N20=-

05-28-2006, 07:52 PM	#6
Pj-Macx Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Location: 632 HP SS Posts: 3,337 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 68	A Trip To Mars The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flyer miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick. "I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen. "Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?" "Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!" "No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long. "Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow...." "No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fall into bed and make mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?" "I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?" "It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears." __________________ Co-Owner @ BodyBuildingXtreme 2002 Navy Blue Metallic Camaro SS "The Blue Ghost" # 10354 -=LME LSX 454ci built for N20=-

05-28-2006, 07:54 PM	#7
Pj-Macx Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Location: 632 HP SS Posts: 3,337 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 68	Do It Yourself- Taliban Style A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune.... "One US soldier is better than ten Taliban" The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes then ssilence. The voice then call out..... "One US soldier is better than one hundred Taliban" Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune, and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The voice calls out again.... "One US soldier is better than one thousand Taliban". The enraged Taliban commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence. Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander..... "Don't send any more men....it's a trap....there's two of them!"... __________________ Co-Owner @ BodyBuildingXtreme 2002 Navy Blue Metallic Camaro SS "The Blue Ghost" # 10354 -=LME LSX 454ci built for N20=-

05-28-2006, 07:56 PM	#8
Pj-Macx Pro Stature Join Date: May 2005 Location: 632 HP SS Posts: 3,337 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 68	Olympic Wrestlers Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!" The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold! A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending. Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. "I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. "You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!" __________________ Co-Owner @ BodyBuildingXtreme 2002 Navy Blue Metallic Camaro SS "The Blue Ghost" # 10354 -=LME LSX 454ci built for N20=-

05-28-2006, 09:44 PM	#9
Italionstallionl Amateur Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 77 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 4	:nosthumbs __________________ ThermoLife Rep www.ThermoLife.com

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