Pj-Macx

AIRLINE LAUGHS

Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a
college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely
in our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about
problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct
the problems, document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the
next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews
lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints.
Submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked
with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that
has never, ever, had an accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and
be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

__________________
Co-Owner @ BodyBuildingXtreme

2002 Navy Blue Metallic Camaro SS
"The Blue Ghost"
# 10354

-=LME LSX 454ci built for N20=-