????????????????????????????

Actual Size · 05-10-2005, 03:36 PM

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Actual Size · 05-10-2005, 03:39 PM

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"..... but it's only a "penny for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Dan · 05-10-2005, 03:40 PM

LOL keep them coming

**antihero** · 05-10-2005, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Actual Size

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"..... but it's only a "penny for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

taxes...duh...

Actual Size · 05-10-2005, 03:41 PM

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours?

Actual Size · 05-10-2005, 03:44 PM

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway.

Actual Size · 05-10-2005, 03:58 PM

Why is"bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Dan · 05-10-2005, 04:06 PM

LOL @ the pantie vs bra.... they are all pretty good.

Actual Size · 05-10-2005, 04:12 PM

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to
smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you
going to be smiling?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
him?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Actual Size · 05-10-2005, 04:15 PM

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

If WyleE. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he
just buy dinner?

Actual Size · 05-10-2005, 04:17 PM

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?

Brinn · 05-11-2005, 01:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Actual Size

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

I love what Chris Rock had to say about that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris Rock

Also - what's this with saying them two were assassinated? Listen - JFK was assassinated. Martin Luther King was assassinated. Them two ******* got shot! I mean, I love Biggie, I love Tupac, but school will be open on their birthdays!

Master Of Puppets · 05-11-2005, 01:25 AM

i have a bad one...

If the S.W.A.T. team kicks down your door, do they have to replace it?

Why is a driveway called a driveway and a parkway called a parkway when you drive on a parkway, and park on a driveway?

**powerman2000** · 05-11-2005, 11:21 AM

>1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
>bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
>section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly)
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
>Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the
>Tennessee Titans?
>
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one
>enjoys it?
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>5. There are three religious truths:
>a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
>b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
>faith.
>c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at
>Hooters.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
>Holland called Holes?
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~! *~*~*~*
>
>9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
>bread to begin with?
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
>who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>12 If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
>that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
>models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
>more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for
>their final exam.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
>spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
>
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
>are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
>pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while
>they deliver the mail?
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>19 If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
>the others here for?
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
>zigzag?
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
>
>
>
>As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two
>words "The" and "IRS" together it spells
>"THEIRS"?

Dan · 05-11-2005, 01:15 PM

LOL powerman...

1stindoor · 05-11-2005, 01:41 PM

Why do women wear evening gowns to night clubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?

Why is there braille on drive up ATMs?

stix and stones · 05-11-2005, 08:31 PM

all valid questions i intent to find the answers to before i die.

toughnuts · 05-12-2005, 12:24 AM

Drive-up ATM buttons are marked with braille because federal regulations require it. To be specific, section 4.34.4 of the ADA Accessibility Guidelines for Buildings and Facilities (Appendix to Part 1191, 36 CFR Chapter XI, issued pursuant to the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990) says, "Instructions and all information for use [of an automated teller machine] shall be made accessible to and independently usable by persons with vision impairments." Drive-up ATMs, unlike the walk-up variety, don't need to be wheelchair accessible, but the rules make no exception regarding accessibility by the blind.

Do I get the gold status now

.

Actual Size · 05-12-2005, 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by toughnuts

Drive-up ATM buttons are marked with braille because federal regulations require it. To be specific, section 4.34.4 of the ADA Accessibility Guidelines for Buildings and Facilities (Appendix to Part 1191, 36 CFR Chapter XI, issued pursuant to the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990) says, "Instructions and all information for use [of an automated teller machine] shall be made accessible to and independently usable by persons with vision impairments." Drive-up ATMs, unlike the walk-up variety, don't need to be wheelchair accessible, but the rules make no exception regarding accessibility by the blind.

Do I get the gold status now

.

HAHAHA!

**warriors** · 05-12-2005, 01:32 AM

Why do ppl say when they are about to do somthing they say "fixen" to do this or that??? What exactly are they fixen???

Why do ppl say it's chilly outside when it's cold??? Isnt chili suppose to be hot???

Actual Size · 05-12-2005, 01:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by warriors

Why do ppl say when they are about to do somthing they say "fixen" to do this or that??? What exactly are they fixen???

Why do ppl say it's chilly outside when it's cold??? Isnt chili suppose to be hot???

Oh Man good one.

05-10-2005, 03:36 PM	#1
Actual Size IronMass Donator Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: North West Indiana Posts: 203 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 6	???????????????????????????? Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? __________________ Everyone who lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this? John 11:26 God Loves You, but do you Love HIM???????

05-10-2005, 03:39 PM	#2
Actual Size IronMass Donator Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: North West Indiana Posts: 203 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 6	Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? Why do you have to "put your two cents in"..... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? __________________ Everyone who lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this? John 11:26 God Loves You, but do you Love HIM???????

05-10-2005, 03:41 PM	#5
Actual Size IronMass Donator Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: North West Indiana Posts: 203 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 6	What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? __________________ Everyone who lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this? John 11:26 God Loves You, but do you Love HIM???????

05-10-2005, 03:44 PM	#6
Actual Size IronMass Donator Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: North West Indiana Posts: 203 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 6	Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. __________________ Everyone who lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this? John 11:26 God Loves You, but do you Love HIM???????

05-10-2005, 03:58 PM	#7
Actual Size IronMass Donator Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: North West Indiana Posts: 203 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 6	Why is"bra" singular and "panties" plural? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? __________________ Everyone who lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this? John 11:26 God Loves You, but do you Love HIM???????

05-10-2005, 03:40 PM	#3
Dan Unpaid Trash Collector Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Colorado Posts: 1,725 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 26	LOL keep them coming

05-10-2005, 04:06 PM	#8
Dan Unpaid Trash Collector Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Colorado Posts: 1,725 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 26	LOL @ the pantie vs bra.... they are all pretty good.

05-10-2005, 04:12 PM	#9
Actual Size IronMass Donator Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: North West Indiana Posts: 203 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 6	When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? __________________ Everyone who lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this? John 11:26 God Loves You, but do you Love HIM???????

05-10-2005, 04:15 PM	#10
Actual Size IronMass Donator Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: North West Indiana Posts: 203 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 6	Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! What do you call male ballerinas? If WyleE. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? __________________ Everyone who lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this? John 11:26 God Loves You, but do you Love HIM???????

05-10-2005, 04:17 PM	#11
Actual Size IronMass Donator Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: North West Indiana Posts: 203 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 6	If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse? Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? __________________ Everyone who lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this? John 11:26 God Loves You, but do you Love HIM???????

05-11-2005, 01:25 AM	#13
Master Of Puppets Registered User Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,014 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 47	i have a bad one... If the S.W.A.T. team kicks down your door, do they have to replace it? Why is a driveway called a driveway and a parkway called a parkway when you drive on a parkway, and park on a driveway? __________________

05-11-2005, 11:21 AM	#14
powerman2000 The Old Moderator Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Colorado Posts: 4,136 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 200	>1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little >bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE > >~~~~~~~~~~* > >2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing >section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly) > >~~~~~~~~~~* > >3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the >Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the >Tennessee Titans? > > >~~~~~~~~~~* > >4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one >enjoys it? > >~~~~~~~~~~* > >5. There are three religious truths: >a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. >b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian >faith. >c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at >Hooters. > >~~~~~~~~~~* > >6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from >Holland called Holes? > >~~~~~~~~~~* > >7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? > >~~~~~~~~~~* > >8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? > >~~~~~~~! ~~~* > >9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale >bread to begin with? > >~~~~~~~~~~* > >10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person >who drives a racecar is not called a racist? > >~~~~~~~~~~* > >11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? > >~~~~~~~~~~* > >12 If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow >that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, >models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? > >~~~~~~~~~ > >13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? > >~~~~~~~~~ > >14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? > >~~~~~~~~~ > >15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? > >~~~~~~~~~ > >16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot >more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for >their final exam. > >~~~~~~~~~ > >17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little >spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks? > > >~~~~~~~~~ > >18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What >are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their >pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while >they deliver the mail? > >~~~~~~~~~ > >19 If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are >the others here for? > >~~~~~~~~~ > >20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. > >~~~~~~~~~ > >21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't >zigzag? > >~~~~~~~~~ > >22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? > >~~~~~~~~~ > >23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? > > > >As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two >words "The" and "IRS" together it spells >"THEIRS"? __________________ Don't forget to periodize Best BP 507 lbs competitive Best Squat 705 lbs competitive Best DL 650 lbs competitive Guns don't kill people, men who come home early do. My workout log http://www.ironmass.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6247

05-11-2005, 01:15 PM	#15
Dan Unpaid Trash Collector Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Colorado Posts: 1,725 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 26	LOL powerman...

05-11-2005, 01:41 PM	#16
1stindoor Pro Stature Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: NC Posts: 327 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 7	Why do women wear evening gowns to night clubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns? Why is there braille on drive up ATMs?

05-11-2005, 08:31 PM	#17
stix and stones New Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 21 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 0	all valid questions i intent to find the answers to before i die.

05-12-2005, 12:24 AM	#18
toughnuts Pro Stature Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Warshangtone Posts: 135 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 5	Drive-up ATM buttons are marked with braille because federal regulations require it. To be specific, section 4.34.4 of the ADA Accessibility Guidelines for Buildings and Facilities (Appendix to Part 1191, 36 CFR Chapter XI, issued pursuant to the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990) says, "Instructions and all information for use [of an automated teller machine] shall be made accessible to and independently usable by persons with vision impairments." Drive-up ATMs, unlike the walk-up variety, don't need to be wheelchair accessible, but the rules make no exception regarding accessibility by the blind. Do I get the gold status now.

05-12-2005, 01:32 AM	#20
warriors The world is yours Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 1,127 Recipes: 0 Rep Power: 29	Why do ppl say when they are about to do somthing they say "fixen" to do this or that??? What exactly are they fixen??? Why do ppl say it's chilly outside when it's cold??? Isnt chili suppose to be hot??? __________________ Not Around...